Love And Conquests

Confused Feelings

She kept staring at the door . Waiting for that one person to enter the room which was forbidden for others.  Thats how her days used to pass these days ever since she had been shifted to the Av palace. They had arrived at the Av palace under the ruse of him taking a huntng vacation and  she had accompanied him with her face covered so that nobody could know her identity. They thought she was a mere concubine who he had taken a fancy to recently. There for his pleasure. Being called a concubine by that strange woman  had angered her to the utmost extent  on that day and she had boldly said that she was not a concubine and the woman could herself ask Mehmet her identity. Mehnet . The woman had seemed to be in love with him. Love. A feeling she herself had been pondering about recently.  While She was totally disgusted by being called a concubine she did not deny that they had been spending a lot of time together. The time which she actuallly enjoyed in the palace was the time spent with him. And the time she spent on designing new kind of architectural designs for him. Or reading the book which he had gifted her the one time they had listened to that heavenly music in his room at the Edime palace. She was quite shocked when he had asked her to accompany him that day. She was very aware that she was still his prisoner and prisoners did not exactly get a chance to travel that much. But she would not say she was leading a prisoner's life exactly. Although she could not show her real identity to anyome , that was  not without a reason and perhaps  the better  for everyone.

She was so lost in her thinking that she did not notice the maid which entered her room through the very door she had been staring at since morning.  The maid had been assigned to her by Mehmet to attend to her needs and to be a friend to her.  Ever since she had entered these foreign soils , there was hardly anyome she could call a friend. Except the only person she talked to. Mehmet.

The maid was a curious one . She kept on prodding her about her identity. Once she had almost guessed her  real identity . She had said, "  You dont seem like a mere concubine. You seem like you have come from Contantinople,  Whose daughter are you? Are you nobility?"   As much as she had wanted to tell her that yes she was not a mere concubine and to stop referring to her as a concubine,  she kept mum. Justifying not being a concubine to a maid was not worth the trouble the leak of her identity could ensue. Especially if Mehmet came to know  she had done so herself. He had threatened to kill her this time for real if she revealed the two secrets and she never wanted to go through that episode again. she had never realized how much  she wanted to live untill she realized she was going to die. She begged him for forgiveness . She  kept on crying .  she begged and begged but he gave the orders for hanging her . She could never forget the dread she had  felt when the rope had slithered around her neck . She kept on begging and crying looking at him untill he gave a nod and her  life was gone.

Or so she had thought untill she opened her eyes to see herself at the morgue room with no one but him. She jumped up out of fear . She thought she was in hell with her  killer before her but then he asked her to calm down and reassured that she was not dead.

He had planned her false execution to hide that  she was here. And to make her  undererstand the seriousness of her own words and her situation. She was a hostage in the enemy lands with her life and death in the hands of the ruler of those lands and ,now seemingly ,also her heart. 

She had thought of the ottomans as being barbarians and had been dosgusted by them but the treatment she had been recieving here post her fake execution had been nothing but civil and if she could call it - liberating. Of cousre the word liberating and a woman in ottoman lands might confuse some , for if someone would have said that to her a month ago,she would have thought of them to be crazy but that is how her experience had been so far.

She was allowed to work on her architectural plans, she could read any type of book she wants , she could gain knowledge and use it for a bigger purpose and most of all she was made
to feel important and part of the bigger plan . Mehmed had introduced her to the memebers of his inner circle who were a part of his secret mission and made a pasha responsible for her safety. Delibaš.  his right hand man , was also made responsible of looking after her wellbeing and to get her anything she would want during her stay at the Av palace.  The duty which he had now assigned to the new maid which had become her attendant  a day before. The maid still kept looking  at her and trying to make her speak to her. Irritated she finally ordered her to leave her alone. She would have to tell Mehmed  to get her a less curious  attendant. Only if she could talk to him. She had been waiting for him since  two days but he had not come to visit her. It was at times like this that she wished she was at the Edime palace . Atleast she could catch a glimpse of him.

She wondered what had  changed between them and what had changed in her heart . Ever since she had learned that he was in Constantinople  and that they had closed the city gates so that he couldn't escape. Her mouth had run dry. She felt a myriad of emotions in her heart. There was anger at him for beimg so stupid and risking his life , there was panic for she had to think of a way to get him out of there fast  and then there was fear of what would happen if he could not escape.  She was confused regarding why she had been so afraid. If Mehmet could not escape then  he would not return and she could go back to her home.  Wasn't it supposed to be what she should  want? However the  mere thought of him not returning made her go into a frenzy and she  tried thinking of a way of gettimg him out of there as soon as possible. Thank God that she succeeded and he returned to her safe and sound. She was so so delighted to see him that she couldn't stop smiling and had almost confessed her feelings to him.  His reaction   to that had made her even more confused. He had said that she had made him happy that day. She wondered how?  Could he ...have ..the same feelings....for ..her?

She did not know whether she should even think about such  forbidden things.. She was here only because she had a role to play in his master plan and nothing else. She should not get distracted and raise her expectations  . However, she could not help but think..what if...

"Sultan Mehmed Khan Hazretlerihi"

Her thoughts were cut short by the very man she was thinking about. Her Sultan had finally come to her. Her Mehmed was finally here.