Outside the Shell

Outside the Shell

I.
I came to realized
From 2 or 3 years ago,
I was different.
I wrote, showed, and told stories
To the replica
That was casted to look exactly like me.

II.
She and I
Often provoked each other.
Physique, and character;
Often observed & quarreled with one another
Prioritized that it matters
Alas, perfection was not the answer.

III.
In front of unknown strangers
Casted out and misunderstood
Oh how frustrating and numbing it felt
Despite being protected inside the shell.

IV.
Facade, conformity, dishonesty, despair, suffering, secrecy
I wondered
If I should keep going
Feeding this uncomfortable twisted emotional gluttony
When shall I be saved?

V.
Considered myself as “Villager B”
From the song ‘Main Actor’ that Minami sang
Depending on the hero to fix and protect
Am I trying to escape –
Reality, with an empty shell?

VI.
“I am tired. Exhausted. Confused.”
Dialogues that kept repeating in my head,
At the age of fifteen, I had no control over myself.
I was hollow.

V.
Fast forward to seventeen
I witnessed warm and innocuous light
After desperately wishing to be delivered from misery.
To fill the empty shell with ambition,
He offered me opportunities and authentic colleagues
To truly care, support, and love every part of me.

VI.
He gave me healing for my inner replica
Underneath, he discovered a lonely little child.
Although it will not be sufficient,
For now, I must be grateful and patient.

VII.
My shell was not crafted to portray my infirmity
But to describe how I protect my morality
It took me a while to realize what I need
To acquire clarity and tranquility inside me.

VIII.
I will grow out of the poisonous field
That made my body and mind grew fragile and weak
I will let go of the surface pressure that has been hindering me
And discover to understand
That all it took was to get out of that shell
To begin the starting point of my journey.