Books & Novels

Chapter Two - The Crap Fest Called Life

"Mom! Harper's pulling my hair again!!"

"Am not, Jasmine!"

"Shut up you two!'

"Shut up yourself, Autumn!"

Oh, the joy of having sisters. Jamie Deneseir thought to himself as he finished his cereal.

Twelve year old twins, Harper and Jasmine, and Jamie's own twin, Autumn, seemed to have the life purpose of annoying Jamie and each other. Even thought Jamie usually couldn't resist a good fight, he was sick of them. S, on the I, on the C, K. Mom and Dad and Jasmine and Autumn and Harper and him always dissolved into one big fighting mess. Lucky Jamie was hungry or he'd bet he'd be in that fight too.

"Jamie?"Autumn screamed, "Jamie!! Help!!"

Jamie turned around to see Autumn being repeatedly hit on the head with a binder that Jasmine was wielding. Harper seemed to be giving the tickle torture and calling it raping. Jamie pushed his glasses up his nose and sighed.

Wow, what perverts.

"Ok, ok, guys stop." Jamie placed his ceramic cereal bowl in the sink. "Mom and Dad will murder you all and hang your severed heads on the railing and beat your bloody faces with your ripped out spines if they see you fighting."

That got them to stop fighting. Grotesque imagery always helped soothing Harper and Jasmine. Jamie knew their parents were at the vet with the fat tabby, Esmerelda, and their weiner dog (Jamie still called it his sausage dog) Ambrose.

"Graphic much?" Autumn asked, her brown wavy hair still in the grasped clutches of the Horrendous Harper.

"Yep. Hey Jasmine, can you whack A-"

"Ok, I'll shut up."

'Good. Now, Harper, let go, and stopping tickling- raping- Autumn." Jamie ordered calmly but firmly.

Grumbling, Harper released, slowly, her grip on Autumn.

"Jasmine, put that binder in you bag, now."

Jasmine tucked the neon green binder under her arm obediently and put it in her bag, fitting perfectly.

"Ok, guys. Great. See? Awesome." Jamie spread his arms as if wanting a hug. Instead, Jasmine whacked his chest with the binder and so the fight began. Jamie pinched. Jasmine punched. Jamie kicked. Jasmine kung-fu Panda styled.

Even when Jamie and Autumn's bus drove right past the house. "CRAPPOLA!"

"Ah!" Autumn screamed, literally ripping the doors off the hinges with her muscular arms. Yeah, they'd need a replacement, thought Jamie as he cringed past the door which did look a little lopsided and quickly followed his twin across the yard, his bag sagging from the amount of novels in his knapsack.

"Hurry!! Hurry!! Faster, run, run, come on! Hurry!!" Autumn screeched, her lithe limbs running gracefully and swiftly along the sidewalk.

"I am! Do I like I want to be late for school?"

'You hate school."

"Shut up."

"But you do..."

"I said-" Jamie snapped, but then silenced as the two fifteen-year-olds watched their bus, the great yellow monster, drive away.

Great. What would they do now? Not like anyone at home could drive. They were just kids. The bus was their only source of transportation to school and back from school. Sure, Autumn could probably run there in five seconds, but the only impressive thing Jamie could do in five seconds was read. Or go cross-eyed.

"Naomi! I thought we had something!" Jamie called after the bus. It was to lift Autumn's spirits, as Naomi was the two's long-standing nickname for the bus, as when Autumn saw the Nowi bus company sign on the bus, she thought it said Naomi cause she was dyslexic.

Plus, Autumn could use some serious spirit lifting. She was always real emotional. Right now, she was cross-legged sitting on the side walk, her sniffles loud and her tears spattering the sidewalk.

"Come on, Autty. We'll just hope on.... Harper and Jasmine's bus. Our schools aren't very far away from each other. We'll just get off at their school and walk the rest of the way.

Boy, what a nightmare that turned out to be.

The middle-schoolers kept on staring at the high-schoolers and whispering, the bus driver kept on giving them dirty looks like they were going to use the little kids as prostitutes or something. Judging by the way some of the girls dressed, it looked like they wanted to be prostitutes.

After the bus stopped at Ellen Heneo Middle School, Jamie checked his watch and saw it was 8:06,nearly half and hour since his school started. And then there was that at least 20-minute walk to Autumn and Jamie's school from the middle school. It would be second period, the middle of second period, by the time Jamie and Autumn arrived at their school.

After a walk, Jamie's boots were covered in mud, and panting, because Autumn's def of a walk was much different then his.The chilly, gross Febuary weather was so sucky that Jamie decided a mushy and disgusting holiday like Valentine's day, which was no so far away, was perfect for Febuary.

Autumn's ponytail had fallen out in places, her cheeks cherry red because of the cold, and her facial expression nothing but irritation. "Dammit, Jamie! Why are you so slow?"

"Because you're too fast. I'm just average."

"Shut up."

"It's true, you know.." Jamie smiled, while shaking his head and began to walk the muddy high school field, smiling just before a wet ball of black mud hit his forehead, and then five seconds later, another one to his shoulder.

Jamie felt his spirit wither as black mud dripped around his glasses. Gritty, slimy, and just plain gross.

Autumn walked out on to the feild, her converses sinking into the earth like cruddy quicksand. "Who's out there? I'll sucker punch your faces and kick my foot so far up your butt you'll burp shoelaces."

Good ol' Autumn.

Jamie felt another sploch as one mudball hit home at his stomach, and then winced as another met his knee. He began to run, but tripped and fell into a

huge

puddle

of

mud.

Jamie took his soil-spattered glass from his face and looked up while Autumn chased after a few freshman kids, aiming her own balls de mud at them. If he was correct, he recognized a girl named Jillian, with caramel hair and dark eyes or a boy named Luke with dark eyes and hair to match.

"Stop that! Now!" Jamie heard a sharp but girly voice yell.

He groaned as he sat up and saw Ms. Dhrame walking across the field, cringing as her heels sank into the mud.

Ms. Dhrame, was the most beautiful woman in the world, next to Molly Fennelle, a girl in Jamie's class. Ms. Dhrame was African- American, and always wore her curly hair in a high bun, which revealed her graceful neck.

"Autumn, Jillian, Luke, and.. Zachary. I'm surpised you've been caught bullying Jamie. I'm sure you'd all love a trip to the principal's office to explain this."