"Wahaha another star for meeeee!"
"Fucka you Wario, that's your fourth star this turn. Save some fora us!" Luigi shouted at Wario. After Wario's turn, he landed on a lucky space. Though he was hoping for a triple dice item, he was stuck with his least favorite item: the skeleton key.
(An: c Luigi swearing is not v. ooc)
The skeleton key was pristine gold, maybe Wario could smelt it down into liquid gold as money was his most favorite thing, besides garlic. Too bad there was no garlic key, he thought to himself, scratching under his favorite butt grove.
Wario quickly got his head back in the game. He rolled a ten and went past a gate. The skeleton key floated up out of his pocket and asked whether he wanted to use it. After declining, the key flew back into his pocket, happy to be reunited with the smell of Wario's pocket. The very, very sulfurous smell. At the end of Wario's steps, he landed on an Ally space.
The skeleton key glowered with a mystery mist at this ally. She had pretty bland hair and a gold crown adorning her like a halo angel. Wario simped with garlic charm, Princess Peach luckily was immune, but not from the envious green of the key! She raged silently in his erotic pocket, soaking in the aroma, but wait...it felt warm. She felt like she was in a womb, but not exactly.
(After the ensuing minigame, in which Wario was immediately smashed by a mallet due to being distracted by picking boogers, it was once again time to roll.
"Uh, Wario, could you please roll first? I can't roll until you do," scoffed Peach at Wario. She was also unnerved by how close he was standing to her.
"Let me see those panties!" larded a perverted Wario, who was trying to touch Peach.
"Eek, perv!!" Peach slapped Wario, who then fell to the floor. The skeleton key slid out of his pocket, away from the stinky, protective womb of Wario's pocket.
(AN: search up smooth jazz on yootub)
The skeleton key then transcended the heavens like a shooting star (but not the stars they needed to win the game) from the fathoms of the German lothario's deep poop pocket, adorned in golden corns of glory. It was truly the most beautiful, indescribable stench she had ever entombed her ridges into. It was magical. More magical than her high school skeleton key prom, and they had Sliders! This hunk of chunk was a god among men. She was crying and shaking right now...
Skelly opened her eyes, realizing that she was actually no longer in Wario's aromatic pocket. She saw Wario bounding off naked after Peach while Toad was trying to chase them down to bring them back to the board. She assumed that Wario was not requiting her love because of that bith Peach! Something had to be done...
Toadette's hair flew from the crazy hurricane of a horny chase, then the chain chomps joined the fun because they thought it was a minigame. Skelly saw the way Toadette glanced at Wario, her eyes narrowed into beady rage! She was next! Suddenly the board plunged into darkness, Lakitu had to fix the electrics and Toadette was scared. Then Skelly sharpened her key edge quick smart (lol Brotish?). Then stabbed Toadette 39 times, one for each second she looked at Wario! Then she went to sleepover with her skelly gorls, Zelda, Malon, Saria and Ganondorf who ate his feelings. All the chocolate was gone but it reminded Skelly of Wario.
DGanondorf then turned to Selly said "but what about peach?"
"I don't care for them, they're too fuzzy." SUDDENLY carton walked in.
"He meant the princess silly!" Everybody laughed and clapped.
"OF FUCK" screamed kellye, who then flewed off to Peach and stuck herself in her butthole. Peach shrieked and rolled around, trying to get the skeleton key out.
"Wario will help!" screamed Wario, who lifted Peach's dress and atomic farted into her butthole. The key flew out of Peach's peachhole. She was dead, but at least the key was out.
It was done. The bitch was dead.
Like a peach, Peach was juiced and iced, lying uselessly in a pool of peach juice. Wario wahed nuclear anger, farting mournfully in a long sad toot, beautifully demonstrating his deep sorrowful diarrhea. He voided his bowels in tearful angst, then Lakitu and kamek angrily flew in! They billed him all his prize coins for clean up crew (who were my sons Shy Guys, im sorry you had this cameo, i will put you in a less SHITTY SITUATION LOL if you dun geddit, you drive a volkswagen!!!!)
Skelton key was sentenced to be used in a locked door, at which point noddin ever happened since
Then next week the keys stabbed everyone in the heart. Even if their bodies felt no pain, their hat did. Because that's where the stabbing was.
SO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS IN THE DARK OF WARIOS ASS COMES TO LIGHT
