Could We Really Trust a Long Distance Relationship?

Prologue

"May gusto ka pa bang sabihin?", malamig niyang pagkakasabi na parang wala kaming pinagsamahan. Sobrang gulong - gulo na ako. Hindi ko na alam kung totoo ba talaga na wala na kami??? Bakit??? Bakit parang ambilis naman?

Pero tuloy tuloy lang sa pag - agos ang aking mga luha. Tila parang gripo itong nasira sa walang katapusang pag - agos. Napahigpit na lamang ang pagkapit ko sa aking phone at habang yakap naman ng aking isang kamay ang dalawa kong tuhod habang nakasandal ang ulo sa gilid ng bintana sa loob ng kwarto. 

"I- - - I *cough*  I... wo - - -would like to ask.. *Sniff* if it would make you happy if I'm gone?" I grasp my mouth to prevent myself from bawling too much for him not to hear it. Nasasaktan talaga ako...

 Sobrang sakit na tila pinipiga yung puso ko at hindi ako makahinga. As if that words took almost all of my breathe away and it makes me feel so hard to chase it.

A moment of silence starts. Every seconds that passes by, breaks my heart as if there is a knife that stabs it and I feel like I am swallowing a stone rather than my own saliva. 

I heard him sniff. I know deep inside that I do have a place in his heart but, is it enough? 

Am I enough??

Parang awa mo na Patrick.. Please.. Say no.. Please... Sabihin mong hindi mo kaya at hindi ka magiging masaya kapag wala din ako please.. Choose me.. Tell me to stay .. Tell me you love me and I swear this problem will fade away.. Please.. Hindi na ako mapapagod.. Susubukan ko lahat para magwork tayo please.... Fight for me please...

"Yes... Kasi ayoko na masaktan pa kita and that is what my heart tells me.. I'm sorry.." , he said.

That moment... I felt like the world stops to revolved. I felt my heart shattered into pieces. My tears can't stop on flowing. My mind... automatically shuts. I only heard myself bawling so loud that I do not even care if somebody hear me because it's so painful that I felt like dying to it. 

I never thought that history really repeats itself...

I heard him crying too yet it was so painful to me that I couldn't think straight and tell him that everything will be fine because I know that this phase will be the last time I'll be able to feel his love for me.

Patrick.. Bakit... Bakit mo naman ako iniwan? Bakit mo ko ginanito? Sobrang importante ba talaga sayo ng girl best friend mo kesa sakin? Why.. Please tell me why... Am I not important? For the past eight (8) months.. Patrick wala lang ba sayo lahat yon???  Have you ever thought na baka kaya pa natin siyang I workout??? Why would you give me up so easily??? Do you love her so much that it is fine for you to lose me??? I gave you everything... My heart.. Myself... My soul.. and yet am I still not qualified to stay by your side?? Please tell me saan ako nagkulang???? Please stay with me... Please...

Wala na lahat ng pangako natin? Akala ko ba sabay tayong tatanda?  Ikakasal pa tayo di ba?? Magtatrabaho pa tayo , titira sa isang bahay, sabay na gagawa ng paraan para guminhawa, saan ba ako nagkamali????  

Why.... sobrang hirap ba akong mahalin?

I felt that my heart will start to burst sa sobrang pain. The f*ck... I wanna see him. I wanna hug him. I wanna beg him to stay and ask if we still could work things out.. .

But....

"I - - - I hope.. Th- - - at.. That.. you'll be happy on your decision. Because I do respect your decision." I have to let him go for the sake of his own happiness. Due of having the reason that I can never make a man stay by my side when he wanted to be with someone else...

I don't wanna be a hindrance to his growth... If this was the only reason that I could make him happy ... for the last time... Kahit masakit...

I have to let him go....

I ended the call and cover myself with a blanket. I can't stop thinking that we just ended like that.. My tears keep on flowing and my heart feels burning like toasting it in fire as it is shot by a thousand of needles. 

I started thinking on how did we even begin...

 I bitterly smiled, laughed, then cry at the same time. It's hilarious. Pakiramdam ko talagang inantay lang niya akong bumigay and congratulations! I did! You win!! 

Patrick...

I hope maging masaya ka and be with the person you truly love the most...

Masakit pero..

Kailangan kong tanggapin na baka... hindi lang talaga tayo yung para sa isa't - isa...

I hold my chest and things started to be blurry..

I hope that everything was only a dream...

Please....

Wake me up....

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