You'll always be home. (Ryden)

I refuse to leave you again

I jolted awake suddenly, my eyes wide and my breathing uneven, as it is when I wake up early every night. I wasn't having nightmares, there was just a pale face that was spread far and wide across my dreams and constant thoughts that had me in this condition. There was a pool of urgency deep inside my aching chest. It was like the tide and I was buried neck deep in sand, it would swell and envelope me, then it would recied so I could take in a single gasping breath.

I turned on my side, glancing at the illuminated blue characters that read 3:35 AM, knowing very well that I wouldn't be getting back to sleep. I closed my eyes, rubbing at them with the back of my hands as if that would help get rid of the dark circles that came with sleep deprivation.

I sat up, grabbing my scratched up and beaten phone, unlocking it and looking at the picture of me and Ry, back when we were both so young. Every night I would wake up crying, aching for him, the memories we share tearing me apart.

I pressed the phone app, it opening to display his number and contact info as if his was the only one that mattered, the picture of him mocking me, making me wonder 'what if he misses you too?' 'What if he'll forgive you?' But it's so doubtful. He left me. He never cared, that's why I never called, and what killed me; neither did he. It told me everything I needed to know, he didn't miss me, he didn't want to be my friend.. and he especially never loved me back.

I let my finger hover over the call button, sobbs escaping my lips as I tried to will myself into it, yet at the same time trying so hard to talk myself out of it. I let my head fall, more cries and whimpers escaping me.

"Fuck, why does it have to be so hard?" I whined. "Why can't you just come back Ryro, I miss you so much.. I need you so bad."

"Brendon? Is that you?" I heard the words come from my phone, they came out as nothing more than a raspy utterance that was so quiet I didn't even know if I had actually heard it at all.

"Ryan?" I mumbled, taking in a shaky breath, I could feel my heart beat speed up a hundred times over and my hands go clammy as I drew in a shaky breath.

I lifted my head and looked down at my android, a red button and his enlarged contact photo staring back at me. 'I pressed the fucking call button.' I panicked, putting the phone on speaker, just so I could har his voice.

"It's uh, been a while... huh, Bren?" He chuckled, a hint of disbelief in his deep, tired voice.

"I..Please come back to me" I mumbled, my ragged breathing disguising my already inaudible words, but somehow he deciphered it.

"I miss you Bren, I do.. But I'm not coming back, it's been years without a single phone call, a single text. I thought you didn't care, shit I still think you don't. It's been too long, we're different people now. I-I've changed, and I can only imagine how different you are... I'll miss you, but our time is done, Bren. Things can never be the way they were... as much as I wish we could go back... we just can't." He explained, his sniffles giving away his cool demeanor and showing how close he was to sobbing as hard as me. The words he spoke seemed recited, Like he had went over them so many times in his head that they came out easier than exhaling.

"Please... Please, I'm so sorry. You left me, I thought you hated me. I loved you so much... I love you so much. You have to understand that, I need you to see it." I mewlled, pressing the pphoneclose to me and curling my knees up to my chest, rocking my body back and forth slowly, all around me suddenly feeling too hot and the sheet under me feeling like fire on my skin.

"I'm sorry Bren.. But it just can't work out. I refuse to come back, because I refuse to leave you again." He sighed, and I could hear movement from his end of the phone.

"Please just come back.. I just, need you.. god I need you, so bad"

"I can't Brendon, I'm sorry. This is goodbye, again. You'd just never understand." He breathed the words, like leaving me came so naturally to him. "I love you, and that's why I'm never coming back. I can never be what you deserve. I couldn't make you happy. We can't get back the time we lost.. And I can't forgive you for how long it has been. You'll always be home, but like the fucked up kid I am, I have to run away." He whimpered, and then the line went dead. He left me again, more broken than before. Deep down I always hoped talking to him would help, that he would come back and it would all be okay again. Yet I kind of always knew he wouldn't, that's why I had put off calling for so long. And, one of the saddest parts is that when I finally did, it was because of a stupid mistake, not because of courage or hope.

"I love you too, ryro. How could you never realize.." I blubbered, grabbing my phone and throwing it pathetically onto the floor, falling back onto my bed and tucking my knees under my chin. That night I cried harder than I had in years, almost as violently as the first time Ryan Ross left me behind. Mostly because I knew, no matter how many times I called, he would never pick up that phone again.

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This was supposed to end up happy and Ryan was supposed to come back... but then I stopped writing it in the middle and when I started up again, well it went in a different direction. Anyway, I hope you like it. Do the vote thing and maybe comment if you liked it. Thanks :)

-TylerCarter4L