Chocolate Wine, Honey Whiskey

-Introduction(?)-

It's not uncommon to feel like you want a partner, or to feel like you just need someone to hold, or someone to just have sexual intercourse with but have no emotional connections at all. Maybe relationships are just not your thing, maybe it's too complicated, or maybe you have some internal struggle with yourself already and you don't need anyone else to make it more complicated. Whatever it is, i totally get it. Relationships aren't really my thing too, i never liked the idea of staying with only one person for forever, only having sex with this one person for the rest of your life. I have commitment issues, and i never really thought it's worth it you know? I would really hate to marry someone in my 20s or 30s. I don't want to be someone's missus, having the same back name, living together, sharing everything together, that's what my parents always want me to get into.

Marry someone at 20 or something, have a kid, grow old, have your kids take care of you. It all sounds and feels too tiring, taking care of myself is already tiring and complicated, i'm not perfect, i don't get straight As, i don't have a body type that could make someone swoon over me, i don't have a perfect straight or whatever hair, i don't have big round eyes that everyone seems to really like. I'm a 166cm or 5'5 person, with black frizzy curly hair, i have a fleshy nose, kind of tan skin, somewhat thin lips, typical asian eyes, i have a somewhat hourglass figure, a c cup bra and a whatever size pants. I'm not exactly what you'd call a rich person, but i make do, if i could make more money, that would be nice. To put it nicely, i'm a mess of an artist with problems of my own. I go to a psychologist and the whole shebang.

When i was around 12, i started dating all these different men and women, age ranges from around 13-24. I don't really care who i date, if i get bored, i do whatever the fuck i want. If you're nice to me, i'm nice to you kind of person. I'm not a person who you can go to ask to study together, i get straight As on physics but i suck with everything else. But despite the scores i get on physics, i almost never study- i party all the time, i grant favors and i date whoever i like. Within a month or so, i would waste my time and/or love to 19 different men and women, sometimes multiple at the same time, sometimes once at a time, mostly it moved too quickly, like in the 1st few days they started thinking about sex or marrying each other or thinking of a future for us in general, i would get creeped out and leave em then and there. Serious relationships are rare, i can count them even, and the numbers? 2

It means that only 2 of these people in my life managed tp win me over with their charming personalities, sweet nothings, gifts, and love in general and the others? How the fuck did you date me and not even once think about if it's good for my mental health n such, you guys are sweet or something, but you're just not my cup of tea, maybe cheating, lying isn't really my cup of tea. But whp am i lying, you guys were fun, hope i can play with some of y'all again soon, maybe after i die? around there, love you guys <3

But enough about that stuff, let me tell you how fun it was playing with each and every one of them <3