Muffled Man and Secret Sands. Also my gay best friend.

Seclksy succ ilbulent sands sans. The beginning of my story.

Tanlyou Aleshanne and izzayekefor being with my fan fictions. Thank you audiences, enjoys!

I walked across the desert in my dream. It was made out of glass, because it was a dream. I saw a muffled man in the distance, calling out to me. Calling out my name, "y/n, y/n, yn!!!". I didn't know this at the time as he was a muffled man, and he was in the distance. But that didn't stop me from making a difference.

I woke up, with my gay best friend next to me. We sleep in the same bed. He doesn't like it when I call him gay, nor does he like it when I call him my best friend. I ignore this. Some things are best ignored. Like how I have an abdominal prolapse.

Sometimes it hurts, but my emotional pain is just so much greater. You see, i've never been in a romantic relationship, and my gay best friend hasn't either. He isn't the best suitor, because he's kinda short and annoying and he's gay. But that doesn't matter, some things are best ignored.

I woke up and my put overlarged, oversized, too big, wide as hell, larger then my body, clown nose paige sunset blue sweater. I put on my suspenders underneath to pull up my thigh high totoro cat socks. I put on my adidas 3124511 jogging shorts with attachable leg straps. I get out of bed, and I leave for tertiary education, conveniently forgetting to eat, brush my teeth, shower and change out of my pyjamas.

I'm so fucking hungry, and I see my gay best friend in the bed still. I wonder if he's dead. I get really scared for a minute, and I can't cross the street. What's gonna happen to him? He's the only person I have in my life. What the fuck will I do with the apartment? They'll think I killed him and ran off, I have to go back.

I cross the zebra crossing, and I bite a bite out of a bite of a bite of someone's bitten apple bite. My best straight friend who is questioning walks past me. I "bump" their head like a bowling ball. They scream to get off of them and they realize who it is. "What the fuck are you doing get off me! Get the fuck off me!". I laugh and I kiss them on the cheek. They know who I am. We're just at that stage where stuff like that isn't seen as weird, it's just like, 2014 best friend posts.

I say, "thankyou for the apple bites" and they say "no problem, I know how ruff it can get on the streets". I say "i'm not homeless, I just choose to not go home" and they say "it's not funny".

I'm in 2nd period, 10:35am, Tuesday, March 31st.
I'm in mathematical statistics pre-med class.
I eat some carrots, do some ahhh fucking equations, and drift off to sleep. Someone taps me on the shoulder. I do not move. In situations like these, it's best not to move. They tap me again, I hear wails of "Y/NNNN!!!!, y/nnnnnn....". It's tender, like a fish entrailed on a cosmic beach. Likewise, I'm hungry as fuck. As I wake up to seek out these cravings, I head face to face with the most prettiest fucking psuedo-straight man I've ever seen. His manicure is simply imperishable, black and white contrast on each finger. He takes his fingers and puts them near my mouth. I try to suck, but it simply isn't possible. His fucking fingernails are so long, I can see the dirt, grime, and filfth burried underneath. This turns me on. I am ready.
The fucking teacher interrupts. He says, "Kevin Smith, get those fingers out of y/n's mouth". I get really frustrated and angry with this, I wail "Nooooooo, I, I - it was a dare and I need to, uhmmmm, I need to uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I need to uhmmmmmmmmmmmm, I need to uhhhhhhh,,, complete it for aghhhhhhhh, 200 dollars-" I couldn't finish as he jabbed his index finger into the upper-middle flesh wound that was already there, up to my olfactory region. My paranasal sinuses keep on aching, as he thrusts his folius maximus cuticle near my skull. I'm kinda, idk, kinda scared at this point idk. The teacher looks at us like we're a couple of coins. Goddamn proleteriat anti-feminist.

I'm really tired, idk, and I go to the goddamn infant firmary room, idk. I sprail mysel amongst the babies that were just born like 10-15 minutes ago, idk. I start dreaming about the muffled man, idk, I think it's something cosmic or something, idk. Yeah I'm really unsure right now, Idk.

I don't fucking know, idk.

Wider than any ocean, I start to cry. I wish I was a child again. It was so easy. I didn't need a romantic relationship, nor was I fetishised by fucking teachers and their weird psuedo-politics. Idk. It was just easier. In my dreams though, something as simple as a muffled man supposedly calling out my name (he's muffled, so idk), idk, it's just better that way. If I could stay in this uncertain but not uncertain world forever, I would. I'd rather do that then remember all of the entirety of the lasagna cat series - what's the poi t of dat, i don't get it, isn't it just gradrfeild???5

This has only been 3.76 seconds. A figure looms over. This guy annoys me, but he's attractive, so that exempts anything.

"Hey, what's up y/n", he flutters his eyes so much that I think he's having a seizure.
"You flutter your eyes so much that I think you're having a seizure, are you ok???"
He looks nervous, looks down and around the infirmary. "Yeah, i'm just kwinda nervwous"
I look seriously at him. "Are you serious right now? Shut the fuck up in that baby voice"
He looks scared for a moment, microaggressions pain, and shouts "okay, okay, goddamn y/n. What are you doing??".
I notice i've been pressuring my hands against these babies near me and they are screaming. Hopefully they won't be bruised. Idk loads of parents drop them all the time, idk. I think it's fine. If not, then at least the pure idea of being able to change a entire human's life is cool. I should throw a party.
I get off the babies and say "ahhh, just laying amongst these infants. It's just something to do I guess". He looks impressed, almost shocked and happy and sad, and says "Damnnnn, shawty y/n. That's pretty impressive."
I raise my eyebrow and say "Mm yes, I'm studying astro physics, I like listening to grimes, my favourite colours are blue, green, red and serilian, and I want a romantic relationship".

He laughs, "A romantic relationship??? You???! Out of all people??!?! No.... you're way too smart and beautiful and attractive and cool and interesting to be tied down to one man".

I look around the room, trying to think of something to pull him off his high horse.

"I'm polyamorous" I say seriously, looking him deep into his eyes.

He smiles.

"Me too. Let's hook up".

The babies stop screaming.

Chapter ended