My On Again Off Again Relationship With Facebook

Wackadoodles I Have Known

The world is such a strange place now. There used to be a time when you needed to be in front of a person to know them. That's changed so much. Today we sit in front of computers all day long and talk to people we have never met, and will probably never meet, and we call them friends. At least I probably won't ever meet them. I am not much of a traveler. I have left the state of Texas only a few times in my life, and that was for work. I live 10 minutes from Mexico and I have not crossed the border in years. I blame that on my job. As a police investigator I've arrested or had warrants on so many guys that fled to Mexico that I really would not want to run into them there. Hell, I don't like running into anybody anywhere. So here I am. Sitting here at this computer, writing and not traveling anywhere nor meeting anybody. And that actually suits me just fine. It should then not surprise you to know that I have "met" more people on Facebook than I have ever met in real life, if you don't count the people I had to meet because of my job or when I went to school. And I was a cop, which means if I met you it was because you had a problem, or you were the problem, neither of them good positions to be in. I don't seek out people. I don't look for friends. I am kinda of "wait and see who shows up" kind of guy, I guess. Always have been and probably always will be. And if no one shows up, well, that's fine too. What else would you expect from a guy whose only real fantasies are of being a character in the stories I Am Legend, The Night of the Comet, The Walking Dead, The Road, The Night of the Living Dead, The Book of Eli...beginning to see a trend here?

 There are some very cool things I do like about Facebook. For instance, I currently have daily contact with people that say stuff like bugger, guv, blimey, spot o' tea, mate, and wanker. How cool is that? Where else would I meet vegetarians? Activists? Atheists? Or vegetarians who are activists and atheists? Nowhere, that's where! For all I know they only exist on Facebook. But even if that is true, it's still more than I could ever hope for in real life. In real life people are boring, needy, pushy, and, let's face it, they can be assholes. In Facebook I get an un-friend and a deactivate button. One click and the asshole is gone. And if that doesn't work I can hit the deactivate button and Facebook is gone. OMG that is so cool!

I know what you're thinking. I never thought this guy was a people hater. Well, I'm not. I like people, I really do. I just don't need them...to know that. I have known many wackadoodles in my life, but never as many as when I got on Facebook. Here are just a few...and if I offend anyone, well, that's what the unfriend button is for.

The Writer. I am not going to mention her name but her initials are Sidney Danz (lol). I can do this because that is not her real name. The real Sidney was a cat, I think, and couldn't write a word, or so I heard. This Sidney is my favorite writer of short stories and poems. She has read a million books (well of course she has, she's been around since the printed word, it's even rumored that her first ID card is on a cave wall in France) and she is one of the reasons I have fallen in love with the written word. She has this way of writing that makes the words jump out at you and wrap around your heart, and squeeze. She is the heart and soul behind "The American Friend". A great place to go and get lost in that crazy head of hers. She writes, paints, runs, walks, bikes, makes music, and takes some really amazing pics of life in the Big Apple (there, I said it). She is very picky. She won't eat anything that ever had a heart beat. She loves cats, dogs, squirrels, and most things in nature. She is a native New Yorker who every Friday can be found at the same kitchen cutting, peeling, boiling, and serving some of the best meals you can have for just the price of standing in line. Unlike me, she flocks to people. She's makes close friends half way around the world as easily as she does at home. She cares deeply, especially about those that have been victimized or bullied. I don't know much about her younger years. I know she found the 5th Beatle or some MI6 chap and married him, or so the story goes. And I always half expect to walk into a post office and see her picture on some old wanted poster from the 70's, wanted for some crime like chaining herself to a tree or punching a hole in a whaling ship.You can find her, on some days, on Facebook spreading information you won't find most other places, blasting lying politicians, or trying to convince me to stop eating meat. Or you might find her at a protest march standing up for human rights and throwing little stuffed toy piggies or donuts at the cops. But, if you're really lucky, you'll find her at her good old desk, quietly bringing new friends to life on a page, and giving the rest of us just a little bit better understanding of our own lives in the process. For that, she has my everlasting gratitude.