My Unaired Interview with Oprah Winfrey

Take 1

Oprah: Are you prepared?

Person 1: Prepared for what exactly? 

Oprah: Well, for success, your life's path, your purpose?

Person 1: (Pause and thinks) No.... But I am getting prepared.

Oprah: Interesting because soooo many people, esp. your age group, believe they are ready to conquer the worlddd. Tell me why do you feel that way, why do you feel you're not ready for your life purpose? 

Person 1: My mind gets clouded. It becomes bigger then my brain can hold and I retreat into solitude. It is like I try so hard to make the sun come up and stay, but it wont. However, I feel me coming in tune with that frequency wave of knowing what I need to be doing and what I do not.  

Oprah: What clouds your brain? 

Person 1: The world, the pressure that it puts on you to be a certain way when I only want to be absolutely myself. That is why I stay away and I push people away. I can be myself with myself. No judgement, no criticism, no anything. Just me. 

Oprah: I need my time and space, do not feel bad (both laugh). So I would assume that is when you are at your happiest?

Person 1: (Nods head) Magical things happen there. (OPRAH: Mmmm) I become liberated and empty of negativity because I was filling myself up with positivity everyday so I could at least survive that day without wanting to fall into a depression that I could not fight. When that happens, my whole body shuts down.  But in this space, I kept my mustard seed to be honest. (Oprah: Mmmm) I kept my faith. 

Oprah: That is  so powerful what you said "I kept my mustard seed" and "Magical things happen there." And you hear that saying in church, (Oprah enthusiasm voice) if you only have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can move mountains or do incredible things. What does keeping your mustard seed mean to you? Explain that further.

Person 1: I just always had a light in me, an energy that was in me and around me that felt right. And that energy would not ever let me quit or give up or make me feel bad for my mistakes. It was like it was calling me to follow it but I would resist it. But nothing ever went right when I resisted it. It took time though to develop a sense of self. A sense of love for myself so I could really heal.

OPRAH: Heal? Many people do not even get the time to heal from certain traumas in life. It is expected for you to just live with it and go on with life, living with it. After a while it builds up. (Person 1: Exactly) So to experience healing is a very painful but powerful experience, Im sure it was for you, what were you healing from?

PERSON 1: Alot of trauma (nods head). I did not realize that I had really been through a lot. Rather I knew it or not. My mom was on drugs when I was young. She was recovering most of my teenage years so she was in the house but was not there at the same time. (OPRAH: Where would she be?) At meetings, conventions, work. But I had an understanding of why she had to do it so I am not mad for her taking her time to heal. However, as an adult, looking back, I needed her to be there. To really teach me about ADULTING and the reality of adulting cause I did not feel and was not prepared for it. I had to figure it out along the way. 

OPRAH: And what about your dad?

PERSON 1: My dad was in the air force and has money. I did not have that typical daddy and daughter experience. The story of my birth is that my dad came but left to go ride his bike cross country. Ummm... (pauses) I remember having a feeling of it being normal not having a father figure around. 

OPRAH: Wowwww!!! Wait because I have some veiwers that is going to say "whaaaaat normal not having a father figure in your lifeeeeee?" (PERSON 1 laughs).

PERSON 1: Unfortunately yes... I did not even know my dad was my dad. I had believed for a long time that my mom boyfriend at the time was my father (PERSON 1 GETS QUIET AND STARES). I use to argue and cry to my dads side that he was not my father. You know being a child, even a  teenager, you really do not know how vital a father figure is. 

OPRAH: Ohhh myyy verrrrrrrry important!!!! You can have psychological problems, abandonment issues, and soooo much more. A broken family is always a sad thing. It can make or break a child. 

PERSON 1: Definitely, all of that. But I did not realize it at first how much not having a father around could effect your mental until you see other people with their fathers. Or you see families actually being families. It was not until 24 I started crying over the relationship pertaining to my father, but those thoughts were always there. They just were coming to the surface.

OPRAH: Did you ever express those feelings to your father? About feeling abandoned and the story pertaining to your birth? 

PERSON 1: Ummm.... (Pause) I could not ever muster up the courage to say anything because I did not want him to feel bad about it. So I guess.... (long pause) I don't know.

OPRAH: So you carried and covered up your hurt so you would not hurt your father, who has no clue you are even hurting from his absence.

PERSON 1: Exactly. Yes. And also because he was the first man to break my heart in a sense and I have been broken from men multiple times that I just did not want to be broken AGAIN (PERSON 1 DOES A HAND GESTURE FOR THE WORD AGAIN). But I do not even think my father understands what his absence did do to me nor do I believe he thinks about that. 

OPRAH: Well you would not know unless you use that key to unlock that door. (PERSON 1: You are right). Speaking of doors, let us open the one about your childhood right after this break. 

PERSON 1: Oh nooooo... (PUTS HAND ON FOREHEAD)

OPRAH: Oh yessss, we will be back.