So You've Been Ghosted

Ghosting Sucks

So, you've been ghosted.

Maybe it's for the first time, second, third; it could be a million times, but the pain is still going to be there.

You take to self-blaming, telling yourself that you're in the wrong, and that there must have been, "something wrong with you".

Let me tell you something, there's nothing wrong with you.

In fact, it's the other person's problem, and not yours.

I just got finished being ghosted by a guy that I only talked to for a week. He was pretty cute, and went to the same university as me. But, red flag numero uno, he came over at 11pm, barely talked to me, and just wanted to have sex. We didn't but it got damn near close. And after, I took him home, he said he'd text me, and he never did.

For a few days, I sat there wondering if it was me, and then I decided to send a reach out message to just get some type of closure. It went somewhere along the lines of: "Did I read the room wrong?"

Nothing. Pure silence met me.

And although it helped me gain power in the situation by messaging, the humiliation of not even receiving a text back was too real.

So there I was, pulling out every major flaw that I could've had, and staring in the mirror for far too long. Maybe it's my body? Maybe I was bad in bed? Maybe, maybe, maybe.

But the fact honey, is that we're never going to truly know why we're ghosted. It could be a multitude of things, but blaming yourself is never the right thing. Communication, relationships, and so much more are two-way streets. You deserved a text back, a call, or a simple indication that he/she/they didn't like you. But the reality is that you didn't and you won't.

So, how do we move forward from here?

Step 1. Relieve yourself of the blame.

I know how easy it is to think it's all your fault. But really the ghosting is more reflective of that other person's character than yours. And the reality is that it really has nothing to do with you. You could be Kim Kardashian or Margot Robbie and still get ghosted by someone. You could be Bradley Cooper with his fine ass and still face rejection.

Rejection isn't reflective of who you are as a person. It's reflective of the way they handled the situation. They could've reached out, they could've left a message, but instead, they took the coward's way out and ghosted you. Not cool.

Ghosting is a coward's way of not handling their emotions properly. And to be quite frank, it's just them being an asshole.

Step 2. Be kind to yourself.

This is a step that I think is really important in dealing with being ghosted.

Walk around your house/apartment naked when no one's home.

Masturbate with the lights on, hell, even in front of the mirror.

Write down everything that you are thankful for and repeat it every day until you don't cringe anymore.

Look in the mirror and don't point out a single flaw. Tell yourself you are beautiful over and over again until it doesn't hurt anymore. You're a bad bitch, flaunt it. 

Do some yoga or meditate.

Stop making a skinny list, or a muscular list, or "when you're good enough" bucket list.

Watch slam poems.

Allow yourself to grieve. Not the person, but the loss of what could've been because we all know that shit HURTED.

Step 3. Forgive but don't forget.

You've been ghosted. It's not your fault, it's their lack of communication. But forgive that person. Forgiveness is something that you need to do towards the person to make yourself feel better too. Instead of creating a vendetta as to why you hate that stupid MF, why don't you forgive them?

You're not going to be everyone's type. I know people that I've found attractive that my girlfriends don't think is, and I certainly don't find my best friend's hubby attractive. But that is completely okay, and it's completely okay for them to not like you!

So what do you do? You forgive them.

They did something really fucked up by ghosting you, but that doesn't mean you can't forgive and move on.

Forgiveness allows you to move to a different realm of your life where you focus on yourself. Forgiving also helps with personal grief. Instead of focusing all of your energy into them, forgive their actions and move on. But now, you know what to avoid. Look for the red flags and listen to them. And make sure you never do what this person did to you in the future.

Step 4. Hangout with friends but DON'T talk about it.

When you start talking about it all the time, that person is now living in your head rent free. And why should they? They were so happy to make themselves at home in your body, but in the process, they robbed you vacant. They don't deserve to live in your mind, let alone your body.

So instead of thinking about it so often and talking about it, you should distract yourself with your friends and family!

Go out with your friends and have drinks. Have a movie night. Go to the spa. Take care of YOU. At the end of the day, you're the only one that's going to do it. And that person has no right to inhibit you from these things. You deserve happiness, and you're the one to take it.

Step 5. Go get em!

Get back on that saddle.

That's it. That's the step. The sooner you get back out there, the better it's going to be. You need to put yourself out there in the best way, and even though rejection is a literal bitch, you've probably been through way worse. That boy, that girl, that person, isn't worth you fretting over and isn't worth barricading you from actually enjoying dating.

So you've had one bad experience, maybe two, maybe three, but not all of them are going to be like that. We get blindsided by a bad experience and think that everything is going to turn out just like that one. But in reality, life isn't so black and white. There will be grey areas, and dating just happens to be one of them. Every single person is different, and you are the most unique person to you.

You're beautiful, handsome, kind and a damn Rockstar. So, instead of thinking about all of the bad things, focus on the good and get back out there and rock some worlds.