Saving Anna

Chapter Three

**This has not been edited or proofread.**

Ryan handed me a cup of coffee when I finally emerged from the bedroom. He was showered and dressed in a pair of jeans, sneakers, and a gray t-shirt that clung to his body like a second skin, revealing all of his muscles and those rippling abs. I hated that I was attracted to him. It wasn't right. He was my dead boyfriend's brother.

I had to be a special kind of screwed up to even be the tiniest bit attracted to him.

"Can I trust you to eat breakfast and lunch?" Ryan asked me.

I shrugged, not in the mood to answer. My eyes were swollen from crying so much yesterday afternoon and last night. I had woken up at three A.M. screaming Ross's name, my heart pounding hard and fast in my chest. I hadn't been able to breathe. Ryan had witnessed one of my anxiety attacks for the first time, but he had held strong, coaxing me through my breathing. And then he continued holding me as I silently cried myself to sleep.

He'd known I wasn't ready to talk. I still wasn't ready to talk. What I really wanted was to pinch myself and wake up from this horrible nightmare.

But it wasn't just a nightmare. This was real life.

I was miserable.

I didn't know how to cope.

I was out here living, and Ross wasn't.

It wasn't fair.

Ross had just wanted to give me an amazing night, ask me to marry him. But he was too tired. His head wasn't all there during the drive to wherever he'd been taking me to.

And it had cost him his life.

All because he wanted to do something nice for me on our anniversary, I lost him. From that day on, I had hated myself for how needy I was and how much I craved him. It hadn't been healthy, and in the end, I'd played a major role in his death.

How did you move on from that? Because the guilt was eating me alive, leaving nothing but gaping blackness in its wake as it devoured me.

I looked at the diamond engagement ring resting on my finger. It was the perfect size, and it complimented my personality.

Just as I was sure Ross knew it would.

Tears threatened to spill all over again. I couldn't keep doing this. I didn't know how much longer I could keep fighting. I was so tired. I was tired of always struggling to put one foot in front of the other. I was tired of forcing myself out of bed each morning.

There was no reason for me to anymore. I didn't see one. My life had become bleak.

"Please don't force me to eat," I begged Ross, my voice a weak whisper. I could barely get the words past my lips.

I heard him release a soft sigh before he dropped a kiss to the top of my head. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I knew if I looked at him, I would come undone. And I couldn't handle more crying right now. I just wanted to be numb for a little while in the hopes that the pain would freaking stop.

"Alright," he relinquished. "But you'll eat when I get home. And more than half a bowl of ramen noodles, you hear me?"

I nodded, still not able to look at him. He took that away from me though when he gripped my face in his calloused hands and forced our eyes to connect. My lips trembled. My heart knocked hard against my chest. My barriers threatened to crumble and leave me a mess of pieces in his hands. "I just need you to live for me, sweet girl. Can you do that while I'm gone?"