If you can't be intelligent, be clever. If you can't be clever, be funny. If you can't be intelligent, clever or funny: why is Doug Ford on my Wattpad profile page?


Please enjoy the fact that my username is almost a pun.

Four different short story collections to look through:

- The (Short) Story of the Evil Umbrella

A collection of short stories of all different lengths and genres. Completed, with a summary of every story inside to help pick which ones you want to read!

- Lemons Float

My second collection of short stories. Will be updated semi-regularly.

- 5 Miles South

Horror stories or short stories that I am otherwise uncomfortable posting to my main short story collections.

- They Found Me on Reddit

A series of short stories based on prompts from the r/WritingPrompts subreddit!

And the second draft of a 15 000 sci-fi crime noir novella hopefully coming in the next few months!
  • Hufflepuff Common Room
  • JoinedApril 6, 2015


Last Message
thenonmouse thenonmouse a day ago
And... I'm back from my four weeks with only occasional wi-fi! I didn't manage to get any writing done, but hopefully I will soon.
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Stories by thenonmouse
Lemons Float by thenonmouse
Lemons Float
An eclectic collection of Short Stories, ranging from New York in the 70s to a post-apocalyptic future.
ranking #386 in anthology See all rankings
The (Short) Story of the Evil Umbrellas [Completed] by thenonmouse
The (Short) Story of the Evil Umbr...
You wanted to know how I died? It's simple, really. I saw dead people... As umbrellas. And the umbrellas di...
ranking #290 in individual See all rankings
Five Miles South by thenonmouse
Five Miles South
Chilling short stories with a twist. Want to feel your stomach roil? Fingers creeping up your throat? A hand...
ranking #55 in twistending See all rankings
8 Reading Lists