About

Hulloooooo! Nice to see you. I'm finally updating my about me section! Or I would be if I knew what to write here...

I love reading and writing! I also really like talking to all my fellow writers. If you'd like me to look over your story, go ahead and let me know and I'll give you a critique. NOT a mean one. I always try to be positive and kind, but also honest.

Thank you to everyone who reads my stories, it seriously means a lot to me. Please leave me comments and let me know what you think of them!

: )
  • Joined:
    4 years ago

Reading Lists


2 Published Works

Featured work.

Imalroc

Social data: 2.7K reads. 232 votes. 83 comments.

Description: In the brutal world of battleboxing, Imalroc sacrificed years to become an unbeatable champion. But his will to fight vanishes when he learns that he will never earn his freedom from the deadly sport, and he begins his own private rebellion against...

Mature

Other Works by smaoineamh.
Beginnings

Beginnings

198K 6.6K 775

Brendan Connolly seems to have a great life...except he's lost interest in it completely. Bored and lone...

Completed
smaoineamh commented on Stay with Me #Wattys2015 - |1|


smaoineamh
Haha editing on my phone is bad! That first line is meant to be beachy, not brachytherapy or whatever my phone put in. Anyways, overall I think this is a good story with lots of potential. Pushing yourself on some of the more technical aspects of writing will help push it to the next level! Great work, keep writing!!
smaoineamh commented on Stay with Me #Wattys2015 - |1|


smaoineamh
Nice first chapter! I think you did a good job giving it a brachytherapy feel, and your characters have a ton if potential to develop and grow in interesting ways. Your dialogue is pretty good...natural and realistic sounding. The one line I saw that didn't sound natural was when Cody says his friends are all dead. That was a little odd, because I don't know how many people would just blurt it out like that. I think this is made weirder by the fact that the story just kind of moves on from it without either character really addressing it or seeming to feel much about it. You tell us Daymend feels bad and then they're off to get a coke. The pacing of the chapter overall was fine, but that scene felt rushed to me. It's okay if you don't want to explain Cody's whole back story in the 1st chapter, but I think you need to show us more of how Daymend feels in reaction to Cody's revelation. I would really focus on character development for Daymend in this chapter, and showing us a bit more about his personality.
      
      Mechanically speaking, your writing is solid. If you polish it a little more, I think it would be very professional. Careful of spelling errors (Skylar at one point says she doesn't think Daymend is a physio), they distract your reader and pull them from the story. You also have a couple instances where you interjected lines as though the story was being told from the perspective of an outside narrator. "He caught the eye of many a teenage girl, and who could blame them?" "He saw someone who would change his life, although he didn't know it at the moment." These thoughts aren't coming from Daymend or a character in the story, they're coming from an outside narrator. Both these quotes are examples of 3rd person omniscient writing. Nothing wrong with 3rd person omniscient, but the rest of your story is written in 3rd person limited where we're closely tied to Daymend's perspective. I'd suggest picking which style you want to use and not necessarily trying both yet.


smaoineamh
Thank you for commenting!! Yup, I'm trying to update more frequently and not get stuck editing until the whole rough draft is done! We'll see how it goes. Your observation about the dynamic between Rerdas and Imalroc in the second half of the chapter is super interesting! You gave me a lot to think about. I wanted their body language to convey an aspect of their relationship that neither of them are really consciously thinking about yet, but I may have pushed that too fast. I think when I come back for editing, this chapter is going to be quite tricky to get right. Great observation! Thank you!