Welcome to my poorly-assembled profile. I try to write stuff that you shouldn't feel embarrassed to read (because something tells me you don't want your friends to know about your fictional fetish with rich CEOs). Here's some stuff about me!

Alias: I'll let you know when the cops stop sniffing around.

Location: Prison, again. One too many Twinkies can really do a lot to the subconscious.

Age: Too old for what I'm worth.

Sex: Is how people die. No, really. Anyone who has had sex and died is now . . . dead.

Hobbies: Writing. Dancing. Pondering over life's big questions. Like . . . The issue of memory loss, and why it seems to make people. . . Uh. . .

By the way, if you know anyone who has ever EXPLODED from not peeing . . . let me know please. It's for science, I SWEAR.

Extent of my intelligence: I can pretend to be all smarty-pants with regard to fancy words (pinkies out, man) and telling people what they want to hear . . . but let's face it once socially inept always socially inept and once a redneck always inbred. Let's hear it for cheesecake!

OK so I didn't really tell you anything about me. And you know what that means? I'm a mystery. So by not telling you anything you can assume that I purposely exposed that trait of mine for your personal benefit of KNOWLEDGE. Either that or you can conclude that I'm completely nuts and I should never be allowed access a dating website.

Except for Farmer's Only. Maybe.

And now for a story!

once upon a time
in a world stuffed with cheap rhymes
there lived to be a great queen
she resembled a baked bean
that is all.
  • Location:
    2nd star to the 1st and straight on till sober
  • Joined:
    4 years ago

Reading Lists

4 Published Works

Featured work.


Social data: 197 reads. 5 votes. 8 comments.

Description: You love princesses. I love princesses. But do you ever wonder if they love each other? One prince on a mission. One missing damsel who may not exactly be in distress. And five neurotic not-quite princesses that just might drive everyone insane. On...

Other Works by balooba.


7.3K 381 142

I get it. You're sad with your daily life so you've come onto Wattpad hoping to find your fairytale endi...

The Adventures of Rat Man and Spider Dude

The Adventures of Rat Man and Spider Dude

273 10 10

What happens when a superhero of the BC era teams up with an ambitious super-boy who's missing a few Mar...

How to Shop for Eggs

How to Shop for Eggs

162 13 12

Psssh I think the only thing I remember by now is the title xD which explains everything...
      Anyone ever told you that you were a trick of the light? Only... Light being words, and supernatural being just shy of extra natural. Like the kind they put on food labels to make you buy it.
      I don't trust you with this one. You'll just take it down again D': What to do...

"The setting is a an RPG-style world with swords and magic, where adventurers form a party to challenge the demon king's right to rule. But, the adventurers all have beautiful breasts, enormous breasts, and bikini armor!!"
      . . . No judgment there.
      I'm actually more concerned that you have Okusama ga Seito Kaichou on the list. But what do I know.
      Looking forward to a few others, though, like God Eater and Rokka no Yuusha. But 21 different shows with 2 additional movies? :o Best wishes with that one. Too many late nights for me haha