MiltonMarmalade

Hello again Winsome Whelks and Saucy Sea-cucumbers,
          	
          	Oddly the Kindle edition of 'A Mermaid in the Bath' appears to be unavailable if you are using the mobile version of Amazon.com but it is available if you use the desktop version.  It is currently $2.57 so hurry while the price is low (I have no control over Amazon's discounting of my books).
          	
          	https://www.amazon.com/Mermaid-Bath-mermaids-consciousness-philosophical-ebook/dp/B071ZFSHY2/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1471512056&sr=1-8
          	
          	Fishy felicitations,
          	
          	Milton Marmalade

dandydilettante

MiltonMarmalade

@dandydilettante As it happens a niece of mine became obsessed with having a mermaid tail and although it made not a lot of sense (as the family live in Canada at least an hour's drive from Lake Ontario) they bought her one, which made her very happy. Apparently the proper ones enable you to swim faster with than without. https://www.planetmermaid.com/pages/mermaidsafety
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MiltonMarmalade

Hello again Winsome Whelks and Saucy Sea-cucumbers,
          
          Oddly the Kindle edition of 'A Mermaid in the Bath' appears to be unavailable if you are using the mobile version of Amazon.com but it is available if you use the desktop version.  It is currently $2.57 so hurry while the price is low (I have no control over Amazon's discounting of my books).
          
          https://www.amazon.com/Mermaid-Bath-mermaids-consciousness-philosophical-ebook/dp/B071ZFSHY2/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1471512056&sr=1-8
          
          Fishy felicitations,
          
          Milton Marmalade

twirest

Oh dear. I would very well love to pay for it...But I'm not allowed to use my money on books...or games. 
          
          THE CRUELTY

MiltonMarmalade

@twirest Attagirl! Another of life's mysteries solved.
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twirest

You're very much right. No eating books. Got it.  
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MiltonMarmalade

@twirest Well then don't try to eat books, then they won't affect your teeth in any way.
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MiltonMarmalade

Dear Sagacious Selkie Sympathisers everywhere,
          
          A Mermaid in the Bath
          
          Aaaargh! I warned you this would happen! I have finally done it! I have unpublished all chapters after chapter 12 on Wattpad. This would be an act of horrible cruelty but for the fact that you can now buy the Kindle edition (or even a paperback copy) extremely cheaply in most parts of the world.
          
          The full book has 50 thrilling chapters full of adventure, romantic interludes, philosophical musings, chaotic events, moments of higher consciousness, the defeat of villains, and the triumph of love.
          
          Go on, you know you want to.
          
          The Kindle edition is currently discounted to $2.39 on Amazon.com and the beautifully-produced paperback is  discounted to $10.99 (and £1.86 in the UK - O the mysteries of Amazon!). Kindle editions in India, Mexico and Brazil are extra cheap.
          
          On Amazon.com you can use the 'Look Inside' feature to get a preview of the lovely job Martin Dace has made of the design and incidental illustrations.
          
          My blog at http://www.miltonmarmalade.uk has a links page to Amazon stores worldwide: http://miltonmarmalade.blogspot.co.uk/p/amazon-links.html 
          
          Do it now before the price goes up! Have something cheerful to read on the train/ bus/ tube! (The world is not all bad.)
          
          Love and Peace from your chum
          
          Milton Marmalade

MiltonMarmalade

Kindle version of A Mermaid in the Bath is now available world-wide!
          
          Your portable mermaid for the price of a cup of coffee (perhaps with a biscuit, depending on where you live)! 
          
          http://miltonmarmalade.blogspot.co.uk/p/amazon-links.html
          
          I have made it super-cheap in India, Mexico and Brazil, just because I felt like it, and super cheap in the UK because we're all such tight-wads when it comes to e-books. It should be $3.99 in the USA but Amazon has discounted it to $2.42 for arcane reasons of their own.
          
          Well this took a while! There are books out there that tell you that you can convert your word-processor files into e-books in an hour. But it takes a lot longer than that if you care about the look and feel of the result.
          
          While an e-book can never quite match the experience of having a real book in your hands, I have done my best to put into the Kindle version the little images that are scattered between sections of A Mermaid in the Bath, including mermaids, starfish, jellyfish, an evil-looking squid and the wonderful union-jack underpants. The lovely mermaid facing the title page I had to leave out because Amazon charges authors by the kilobyte for the so-called download fee. Even so a smaller version of the sleeping mermaid is still to be found in chapter 44.
          
          Ah me! Because of the download fee I had to reduce all the images to the minimum file size possible without losing too much quality. That's why it all took a long time.
          
          Anyway, it's a work of art and it's a bargain. For Amazon links world-wide please go to http://miltonmarmalade.blogspot.co.uk/p/amazon-links.html or navigate to my links page from www.mermaid1.uk

MiltonMarmalade

Paperback 'A Mermaid in the Bath' only £2!
          
          Hello Saline Sympathisers and Mermaid Lovers everywhere,
          
          The lovely paperback version of 'A Mermaid in the Bath' with its mermaid illustrations and print margins calculated according to arcane medieval principles has been discounted to close to the printing price by Amazon uk! I don't know why, they don't tell me. The usual cover price is £8! This cannot last - order your copy now! (It's still $10.99 with offers from $7.76 on Amazon.com.) 
          
          Go to http://www.MiltonMarmalade.uk for all Amazon links.
          
          Your chum,
          
          Mellifluous Mollusc

MiltonMarmalade

Dear Fishy Philosophers everywhere,
          
          Please join in and comment on my philosophical ramblings on my blog at http://www.miltonmarmalade.uk
          
          Your chum,
          
          Milton Marmalade
          
          Excerpts from a recent blog post:
          
          "We see a tree, and instead of marveling at its size, structure, the way the light catches innumerable leaves, the way it rustles, it is as if we only see the label, 'tree.' The same can happen with our interactions with each other, and with every mundane event. The label is fitted into our internal map of the world, which is as much like the real world as Google maps is to the town you live in, that is, it is and is not." 
          
          "All one can do with things that cannot be reasoned about is make poetry, art, dance or drama in order to try to resonate with that within us that knows already."

MiltonMarmalade

Dear mermaid lovers and followers of fishy philosophy and piscine prose everywhere, 
          
          I see that Amazon has slashed the price of 'A Mermaid in the Bath' from £8.00 to £6.17, at least on Amazon.co.uk, and $10.99 on Amazon.com. Buy now while you still can at these bargain prices (you know you want to)! The book has fishy printer's ornaments consisting of mermaids, fish, starfish, jellyfish, crabs, coelocanths and union jack boxer shorts, and a lovely mermaid in a circle and square opposite chapter 44. And quite a lot of jokes. Go on, go on!
          
          Hugs,
          
          Milton Maramalade

MiltonMarmalade

@dandydilettante You don't need much money, just a winning smile and an ability to listen. BMW? Over-rated.
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dandydilettante

@MiltonMarmalade How have you peered so eerily into my soul, or is an Italian lady simply the standard missing ingredient in all of this ... some dusky allure which may even exist in the Cotswolds and be that bit cheaper than finally having to purchase a passport?
            
            I don't know ... maybe I should just buy a Sugardaddy manual and take out credit on a BMW.
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MiltonMarmalade

@dandydilettante Well, there nevertheless can be things to enjoy in a mid-life crisis, and if you've done the painful part and survived, now is the time to buy a cheap Mark 1 Mazda MX5 (or a Ford Anglia if you prefer) and drive around Italy (or Chipping Sodbury if you prefer) searching for true love in the dark eyes of an Italian lovely (or Gloucestershire lovely if you prefer). Actually Gloucestershire lovelies are probably less volatile, and you could still buy an MX5 and go to Gloucestershire. That's part of the secret of life, really, to avoid rigid thinking. Anyway, when you have recovered from reading 'A Mermaid in the Bath' in all its paperback glory, please take a moment to give an honest Amazon review. Ta very much.  
            Your chum,
            Milton Mevagissey
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MiltonMarmalade

Greetings to all Saline Sympathisers, Littoral Litterati and Lovers of Improbable Fairy-tales everywhere,
          
          You will have noticed that my threat to remove all but the first few chapters of 'A Mermaid in the Bath' (https://www.wattpad.com/story/7410604-a-mermaid-in-the-bath ) has not materialised. This is because I am still working on converting it to Kindle format (using a wonderful piece of software called Scrivener - https://www.literatureandlatte.com/ ). Once the super-cheap Kindle edition is available I shall carry out my threat and you will have to buy the Kindle edition in order to finish reading it. (Mwahaha!)
          
          Meanwhile the beautifully-produced paperback is available from Amazon everywhere - even in China. Go to my blog on http://www.miltonmarmalade.uk for links.
          
          Love and peace,
          
          Milton Marmalade

Recent Activity

MiltonMarmalade commented on Annie: A Fictional Memoir - The End

Annie: A Fictional Memoir - The End

SpencerN1 · 71 Parts
163K 6.4K
This was good in the first version. I can't read it again because it's so raw, but I've no doubt it's still good. Perhaps moving on would be to write something else, even if it's all derived from this. And probably you'll never totally move on, in the sense that this will always be part of you. I'm assuming of course that this fictional memoir is full of truths.