MiltonMarmalade

Further to yesterday's missive, 'ready' can mean simply 'prepared,' but in the spelling 'rede' it used to mean 'subject to wise counsel,' and 'redeless' (or 'unready,' as in the English king 'Ethelered the Unready'), the opposite. So King Ethelred didn't listen to wise advice. Which is odd, because the name 'Aethel Raed' (Ethelred) means literally 'noble counsel.' So 'Ethelred the Unready' literally means 'Wise advice who didn't listen to wise advice.' Or maybe the 'raed' simply cancels out, leaving just 'Ethel.' But whoever heard of an English king called Ethel?
          	
          	Perhaps Ethelred had had the opportunity to get the Old English version of 'A Mermaid in the Bath' ('Merewif in bæþ') absolutely FREE but was momentarily distracted by marauding Vikings.
          	
          	Don't make the same mistake, chums!

MiltonMarmalade

Further to yesterday's missive, 'ready' can mean simply 'prepared,' but in the spelling 'rede' it used to mean 'subject to wise counsel,' and 'redeless' (or 'unready,' as in the English king 'Ethelered the Unready'), the opposite. So King Ethelred didn't listen to wise advice. Which is odd, because the name 'Aethel Raed' (Ethelred) means literally 'noble counsel.' So 'Ethelred the Unready' literally means 'Wise advice who didn't listen to wise advice.' Or maybe the 'raed' simply cancels out, leaving just 'Ethel.' But whoever heard of an English king called Ethel?
          
          Perhaps Ethelred had had the opportunity to get the Old English version of 'A Mermaid in the Bath' ('Merewif in bæþ') absolutely FREE but was momentarily distracted by marauding Vikings.
          
          Don't make the same mistake, chums!

MiltonMarmalade

T-i-m-e  is  m-o-v-i-n-g  very  s-l-o-w-l-y. But don't let that fool you.
          
          I can sense the beginnings of a mighty incoming tide of requests for a FREE copy of 'A Mermaid in the Bath,' presaged by just the tiniest ripple on the shore of fortune, a tentative trickle before the flood. 
          
          Just so, I have so far sent out two free copies of my book, so now there are only four free copies still to be had, unless you use the phrase 'love and peace, dude,' or 'cough up now, you mildewed mountebank!' in which case I might be persuaded to send out another four making ten in all.
          
          To remind you, as obviously you were not paying attention the first time (except for my two mermaid-loving fans who were ready, both in the modern and the middle English meanings of that term), anyone who gets one of my FREE copies and subsequently writes a review (number of stars not specified) on Amazon will also get a FREE copy of my forthcoming book of silly stories as soon as it is available. 
          
          To be clear, the only time is NOW. Memory is elusive, time fugitive, intention often weak and forgetful. The only time in which you have POWER is NOW. This is the only time in which magic is possible!
          
          PM me any address in the world where mermaids are legal and I shall send your FREE copy. You know you want to. 
          
          Milton Marmalade

MiltonMarmalade

Dear Fishy Afficionadoes,
          
          I can't believe it! Not one of my 471 followers (this means you) has taken me up on the offer of a totally FREE copy of the paperback edition, illustrated with pictures of tastefully naked mermaids and interspersed with fishy vignettes, of 'A Mermaid in the Bath'! 
          
          I can only assume that each of you thought, 'Aha! There will be such a stampede that the six FREE books are already taken and I have no chance (=sob=).' Well, you see what happens when you go with the crowd! Nothing much, that's what.
          
          What is more, if you get the book and write an honest review on Amazon (irrespective of the number of stars), which you can do without buying anything, I shall also send you a copy of my forthcoming volume of Silly Stories (provisional title), once again ABSOLUTELY FREE. 
          
          All you have to do is private message me a working postal address, anywhere in the world where mermaids are legal. In line with European data protection do-dah I shall only retain your postal address for as long as it takes to send you your free books and shall delete it from my in-box and any other data retrieval system over which I have power on demand from you, or on sending your last free book, whichever is sooner, otherwise the European data protection cops will certainly treat me unpleasantly.
          
          I may - at my entire discretion - decide to increase the number of free books to ten if the request includes one of the phrases 'pretty please' or 'fish finger to you, you utter mountebank!'
          
          Yours like bleached driftwood in the littoral zone (something strange yet familiar washed up from the sea),
          
          Milton Marmalade

MiltonMarmalade

That’s supposed to be a dusky mermaid emoticon. 
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MiltonMarmalade

Oh I see. It’s you. No problem! ‍♀️
Reply

MiltonMarmalade

Greetings Mermaid-lovers everywhere!
          
          I am offering a FREE copy of the paperback edition of ‘A Mermaid in the Bath’ to the first six of my followers (or indeed anyone who chances upon this message) who supply a postal address anywhere in the world. In exchange I shall depend on the honesty of your soul that you will write an honest review on Amazon, even if is not a 5-star review. 
          
          In addition when I finally get around to publishing my volume of Silly Stories I shall send a free copy to whomever has written an Amazon review as a result of this offer. 
          
          If you contact me for this I shall keep your details long enough to send you ‘Silly Stories’ in due course unless you advise me otherwise. 
          
          If you want to take me up on this, do not reply here but PM me instead (so that the whole world doesn’t have your details). 
          
          Please do not apply if you are under the age deemed proper for a book that mentions nipples in your jurisdiction. 
          
          Your fishy friend,
          
          Milton Marmalade 
          
          

MiltonMarmalade

Hello again Saucy Sea Cucumbers everywhere!
          I have a question for you all. 
          Do you think that the thrilling adventure that is A Mermaid in the Bath would benefit from the removal of all the philosophical ramblings between chapters (including Myfanwy’s complaints) and re-issuing as a slimmer and considerably cheaper paperback? (I can’t make the Kindle edition any cheaper.)
          Your fishy friend,
          Milton Marmalade 
          http://miltonmarmalade.blogspot.co.uk/?m=1

dandydilettante

MiltonMarmalade

@dandydilettante As it happens a niece of mine became obsessed with having a mermaid tail and although it made not a lot of sense (as the family live in Canada at least an hour's drive from Lake Ontario) they bought her one, which made her very happy. Apparently the proper ones enable you to swim faster with than without. https://www.planetmermaid.com/pages/mermaidsafety
Reply

MiltonMarmalade

Hello again Winsome Whelks and Saucy Sea-cucumbers,
          
          Oddly the Kindle edition of 'A Mermaid in the Bath' appears to be unavailable if you are using the mobile version of Amazon.com but it is available if you use the desktop version.  It is currently $2.57 so hurry while the price is low (I have no control over Amazon's discounting of my books).
          
          https://www.amazon.com/Mermaid-Bath-mermaids-consciousness-philosophical-ebook/dp/B071ZFSHY2/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1471512056&sr=1-8
          
          Fishy felicitations,
          
          Milton Marmalade

twirest

Oh dear. I would very well love to pay for it...But I'm not allowed to use my money on books...or games. 
          
          THE CRUELTY

MiltonMarmalade

@twirest Attagirl! Another of life's mysteries solved.
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twirest

You're very much right. No eating books. Got it.  
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MiltonMarmalade

@twirest Well then don't try to eat books, then they won't affect your teeth in any way.
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MiltonMarmalade

Dear Sagacious Selkie Sympathisers everywhere,
          
          A Mermaid in the Bath
          
          Aaaargh! I warned you this would happen! I have finally done it! I have unpublished all chapters after chapter 12 on Wattpad. This would be an act of horrible cruelty but for the fact that you can now buy the Kindle edition (or even a paperback copy) extremely cheaply in most parts of the world.
          
          The full book has 50 thrilling chapters full of adventure, romantic interludes, philosophical musings, chaotic events, moments of higher consciousness, the defeat of villains, and the triumph of love.
          
          Go on, you know you want to.
          
          The Kindle edition is currently discounted to $2.39 on Amazon.com and the beautifully-produced paperback is  discounted to $10.99 (and £1.86 in the UK - O the mysteries of Amazon!). Kindle editions in India, Mexico and Brazil are extra cheap.
          
          On Amazon.com you can use the 'Look Inside' feature to get a preview of the lovely job Martin Dace has made of the design and incidental illustrations.
          
          My blog at http://www.miltonmarmalade.uk has a links page to Amazon stores worldwide: http://miltonmarmalade.blogspot.co.uk/p/amazon-links.html 
          
          Do it now before the price goes up! Have something cheerful to read on the train/ bus/ tube! (The world is not all bad.)
          
          Love and Peace from your chum
          
          Milton Marmalade

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