"PLEASE HEAR WHAT I'M NOT SAYING
Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask, I wear a thousand masks.
Masks that I'm afraid to take off through
None of them is me.
Pretending is an art that's good and second nature with me,
But don't be fooled, for God's sake, don't be fooled
I gave you the impression that I'm secure,
That all is sunny and unruffled with me,
That confidence is my name and coolness is my game,
That the water's calm and I'm in command,
And that I need no one.
Please don't believe me. Please.
My face may seem smooth, but my surface is a mask,
My ever-varying and ever-concealing mask.
Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence.
Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear, in aloneness.
But I hide this, I don't want anybody to know.
I panic at the thought of being exposed.
That is why frantically create a mask to hide behind,
A nonchalant, sophisticated facade, to help me pretend,
To shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation. My only salvation
And I know it.
If it is followed by acceptance, if it is followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself .
From my own self-built prison wall,
From the barriers that I also painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that can assure me of what
I cant assure myself, that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this, I don't dare. IM AFRAID TO.
I'm afraid that your glance will not be followed
By acceptance and love.
Im afraid that you will think less of me, that you'll laugh, and your laugh will kill me.
I'm afraid that deep down I am nothing, that I'm just no good, and you will see this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate pretending game, with a facade of assurance without a trembling child within.
And my life becomes front.
- JoinedOctober 29, 2012