I know my friends don't believe me when I say this, but I truly do feel empty sometimes.
Sometimes I feel like I'm so close to making it out of my dark place, only to see the bruises and scratches, and fall back down again.
But I put on a good face I think.
I haven't told any of my friends about this account. They think I'm only using my other one, Kisshu4ever. Thats the account where I write all my happy stories. The ones where the good guy always gets the happy ending, the bad guy loses, and the two love interests always kiss at the end.
Wanna know the truth?
Sometimes I cry when I read those.
I cry because I feel so utterly alone. I cry because I know that no one will ever love me the way my characters are loved. Some people are just defective like that, huh?
And yes- I have cut myself before. I don't know if I'll ever do it again either. All I know is that I couldn't hold back the first time, so how could I hold back the second time? I pray that when the time comes that I yearn for the knife again, I'll be strong enough to hold back.
I honestly don't expect to get fanned on this account. This place is strictly for me and my own words, my life, not one of my friends putting them in for me. I know a friend who would roll her eyes at me and scoff if she saw this, but actually, for once, I don't care.
This is MY account, and I shall do what I please with it.
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