Hey there H.C. So. You have any gossip on @gregcarrico?
Lost | ✓ [EDITING] - Chapter OneReneeShantel · 31 Parts
#NBR CT: I found it hard to stay engaged. It’s not your ability to write, but it’s not a story I would read. That being said, your character presentation was done very well. Q1: I don’t feel like your story is cliche at all. Sure it’s been done, but this is something that happens a lot, and each story is individual and unique. That’s how real life goes as well. As far as the character, I’d say he develops a strong bond with the child and becomes the man the child needs him to be. Q2: I could connect with the protagonist, and believed his reactions to be believable. I remember how I felt when my 16 year old girlfriend told me she was pregnant. I found myself in disbelief and wondering why. Fast forward 27 years and I wouldn’t change a thing. I wouldn’t change your story. Changing it would make it mine, and this is your story.
Empire Day ✓ - Chapters 2 & 3 - Mos Eisley CensusSapphireAlena · 56 Parts
#NBR CT First off, congrats on another spotlight. As for the question, you were able to hold my attention because I know the basic story line. I'm not a huge fan of Star Wars, but I have seen all the movies. It was interesting to see a softer side of Vader. I wasn't expecting that after issuing the orders to kill all the Sand People. I guess that's the upside to fanfiction, you are able to express yourself and your writing through characters that everybody already has an opinion of. Good job! Q1:It was good to see Luke's fascination with the ships in the start of the chapter. It took me back to when I was a kid, hanging out at the airport with my relatives watching plains take off and land. You filled the gap in time well while waiting in line. The totalitarianism of The Empire is expressed perfectly in the assassinations. You were able to build up the tension with the blood test, and the obvious fear that had already been building in young Luke. Q2: Thumbs up was my choice, because I don't love Star Wars. I do however, greatly respect the storyline. You did a good job at staying true to it's form in this chapter.