Do you want to escape the soul-crushing horrors of reality? Get caught up in the magic of improbable romance? Experience the thrill of adventure without putting your body on the line? Go watch a goddamn vampire movie. 

If you want to look reality in the eye and say "Eat shit and die, motherfucker," I'll say it with you.

Fakebook = @MalarkeyBooks
Twitter = @TheAlanGood
Shameless self-promotion =

My website is It's mostly visited by one stalker and a handful of Russians, but they haven't hacked it yet. I like to think it's because I'm not important enough to mess with. While you probably do need to be mindful about what sites you visit, given that for now the government seems able to compel web hosts to turn over IP addresses of people who visit sites that the Trump administration doesn't like, I'm not narcissistic enough to believe my little site is on that list, so you're probably safe.

I have work all over the internet, but if you don't believe me only check the following places: Timothy McSweeney's Internet Tendency, Atticus Review, The Legendary, Bookslut, Red Fez, The East Bay Review, Perversion Magazine, Word Riot, and The Dead Mule School of Southern Literature. Plus there's my website,

I write short stories and novels, occasionally some light verse. I hate to self-aggrandize, but I rhymed Chaffetz with gay fêtes.

If you notice the grownup reads tags on some of my pieces, I want you to know it's not that I think I'm a grownup or that I don't think a seventeen-year-old could handle my work; I added those tags for pure pandering purposes to make it easier to get attention and it's working super-well, by which I mean no it's not. I welcome people and AI of all ages and backgrounds, although everything I do is rated her as mature, even if it's not mature at all.
  • United States
  • JoinedJune 17, 2015

Last Message

Stories by Alan Good
The Continuing Adventures of Deplorable Bo by AlanGood
The Continuing Adventures of Deplorable Bo Random
Dialogues with a hardcore Trumper. Sort of like a comic with no pictures.
Friday Limericks by AlanGood
Friday Limericks Poetry
A new limerick every* Friday and sometimes not on Fridays. I should probably change the title to Limericks About Trump. *I doubt it will be "every"
In the Penile Colony by AlanGood
In the Penile Colony Short Story
A short story, originally published in Word Riot, about a stay-at-home father trying to pay for his son's preschool. A slightly updated version of this story is included in the collection The War on Xmas: https://w...
1 Reading List