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*insistent beeping*
*rapid clicking*
*crinkling of cellophane*
"Bob, how do I... I can't quite get it to... what's all the beeping?" *beep* "It's about to go off, isn't it. We're all going to die." *beep* "Right here." *beep* "In this room." *beep* "Bob, if this is the end, then... I need to tell you something! Something I've been dealing with for a really, really long time!" *beep* "I just... I just want to say —" *beep* "Before we die..." *beep* "A. E. Pennymaker finally finished her rough draft of Shadow War and posted the last three chapters today!" *beep* "She took forever writing them, and I thought I was never going to have a chance to talk to you again!" *beep* "So I'd just like to say..." *beep* "that I am so ready for this to be over! We should really go somewhere, Bob." *beep* "Somewhere far, far away, where she can't find us anymore..." *beep* "This whole 'wait six months between announcements' thing is wreaking havoc on my nerves!" *beep* "I can't take it anymore, Bob! I need —" *beep* "I need to get out of here! Please, Bob!"
*beep*
*pause*
"Bob? Are you even... Do you have your AirPods in? Really? OOOOOOOooooh! I could just spit!"
*thump* *grasp*
"No backsies, Bob."
*beep*
"Yes, Bob, I know it's beeping. Oh. Now you'll do something about it. Great. Well, might as well make the dumb announcements on the dumb PA system."
*beep*
"Attention, Shopmart Shoppers! You can now find our selection of hearing aids in the Pharmacy and Self Care department."
*beep*
"These are great for hearing things. You can also connect them to your phone, I believe. But maybe that's not a good idea. They're all made in an asian country that does NOT rhyme with Dear Aunt Dina.... Oh. I wasn't supposed to mention that bit. And I'm running out of bandwidth on this thing. Moira out. Peace!"
*beep*
"This thing... so annoying..." *muffled shuffling* *beep* "Oh, whatever. I'll be back eventually. See ya, Bob. Try not to... ya know... die." *beep*
*door closes*
*beep*