The One You Feed

The One You Feed

311 Reads 58 Votes 27 Part Story
Marion Raby By MarionERaby Updated Sep 09

Sam Dunmore's mother gave him up for adoption and he grew up in a small town near Lake Tahoe. Now, he's an unemployed pool cleaner living in Las Vegas. He receives a phone call from a lawyer who tells him that he's inherited a fortune from a grandmother he never knew.

Jane Nolan was abandoned as a child, grew up in foster homes and was living on the streets of Sam Remus when Edwina Cogburn, heiress of the Cogburn fortune, found her and gave her a home in her penthouse and for ten years they were each others family. But now Edwina is dead and Jane can't cope.
    
    While Sam is living in Edwina's penthouse and slowly learns of his family history, Jane is at the Hartford Psychiatric Clinic, where she must remember the night that changed everyone's lives.

Xanatos271 Xanatos271 Jun 09
kay... before I start reading... the first couple sections are 
                               Ch 1 Part 2 
                              Ch 1 Part 3 
                              and Ch 1 Part 5 
                              are they in order and just mistitled or are you actually missing a couple parts? 🙃🙃🙃
Just a suggestion: "...endless brown field, a few small towns appeared." My weakness in writing the initial drafts (note the plural) is to use "he / she saw" an awful lot, which you haven't... yet. :-)
...a mean, angry, unhappy man... good. I think in revision stages you can make the characteristics stronger even if it's more precise adjectives. There is mean and unhappy in the first passages, and to separate the father, more precision would paint a better picture.
I really loved your story! Please be sure to check out my new story "Witches Of East End" please be sure to vote and comment, thanks❤