The Masked Gentleman or The Rhythm of Love (Student/Teacher) {Completed}

1 Part Story 1.5K Reads 21 Votes
Rae1895 By Rae1895 Completed
A little Valentine's gift to you guys. I thought I should spread the love (:
    ~~~
    A perfect night. 
    The live band has everyone dancing. Everyone's dresses and suits were immaculate. Make-up and hair stylings were faultless.
    But a student goes missing...
    So does a chaperone...
    How can the night continue its perfection, with circumstances such as these?
Did I enjoy? Yes, it was sweet.
                                    
                                    Would I read on? N/A; it's a short story.
                                    
                                    What was done well? You capture the romance part of it subtley and well. Of it's only your first attempt at the genre too, then that makes it all the more impressive.
                                    
                                    What could be improved? Grammar isn't brilliant. You constantly missed out commas. For example;
                                    She followed him silently not questioning who he was
                                    Should be;
                                    She followed him silently, not questioning who he was.
                                    
                                    Read it out loud; when you have to take a breath, that's where to put a comma. Also, it seemed a little cliché. Romance is very hard to do without having a cliché, but there's something to work on.
                                    
                                    Overall rating: 7/10.
                                    
                                    Any other comments? None. Voted.
Did I enjoy? Yes, it was sweet.
                                    
                                    Would I read on? N/A; it's a short story.
                                    
                                    What was done well? You capture the romance part of it subtley and well. Of it's only your first attempt at the genre too, then that makes it all the more impressive.
                                    
                                    What could be improved? Grammar isn't brilliant. You constantly missed out commas. For example;
                                    She followed him silently not questioning who he was
                                    Should be;
                                    She followed him silently, not questioning who he was.
                                    
                                    Read it out loud; when you have to take a breath, that's where to put a comma. Also, it seemed a little cliché. Romance is very hard to do without having a cliché, but there's something to work on.
                                    
                                    Overall rating: 7/10.
                                    
                                    Any other comments? None. Voted.