Fantasy Life Online: The Beginning

Fantasy Life Online: The Beginning

14.2K Reads 1.3K Votes 33 Part Story
ivory By Yukipriest Updated Aug 13

The company called Realgamers has released a new game called Fantasy Life Online. FLO for short if you want to call it that. Our main character gets talked into playing games again. This is a story about his struggles in this new open world game.

To make the book interesting. The characters must not be emediately strong and have kick ass moves
Quesios Quesios Jun 07
White hair? Check. Black scythe? Check. Death Goddess to add to a harem? Not found. Yet. Clichés confirmed.
thinman46 thinman46 Jul 27
My guess is that the mc is gonna have a crazy psychopathic stalker girl freind who murders alot of people.
Yeaster1 Yeaster1 Jun 16
Besides of those main mistakes, you're writing pretty well. One more thing, write in the active voice. You don't want to bore your readers,lol, so hopefully you'll take my advice, and continue writing out your own world.
Yeaster1 Yeaster1 Jun 16
Before went, you have to have a subject. Like I went. If you don't do that the reader will be confused, and the story won't flow.
Yeaster1 Yeaster1 Jun 16
The first two sentences are fine, but the third one is cringy. The verb has to agree with the subject. For example: "I think he likes fighting monsters"; or :I think he likes to fight monsters."