Ice King [On Hold]

28 Part Story 85.3K Reads 1.8K Votes
Megan Lockhart By MeganLockhart Updated 2 years ago
They call her the Ice King, too cold to rein as a second fiddle Queen. No, she’s the King. But that doesn't mean she has to like it.
    Her name’s Chazara Reahdiva, Zar for short. And for as far back as she can remember, which isn’t too far. She’s been a victim of freak circumstance. The only problem is that when circumstance came it left her the freak and took just about everything else. Now she works for the Guardianship forsaking virtually all relationships due to her freaky duel demon mentality.
    Zar’s come far in her tour with the Guard. And it’s been noticed as a Champion has been sent to enlist her to a higher power. But will her icy rep help or hinder her? Will she rein over her demonic half or will it rein over her? And will she ever see the other half of that damn dragon’s face?
Jamie should be smug about his cliche pickup line, not for it. Zar should not bother looking up, not to look up.
I think you meant dribbling mess, not jibblin, though inventing new words is indeed quite fun...
                                    It's in the paragraph when you start discussing Mr. Moxx.
                                    Hope I'm not annoying you with all these comments... >_>
All ready should be already, I think... As it describes moving apart suddenly, not a state of being ready...
Anymore should have a space when it's being used to describe quantity. (It's near the part where you're explaining Mergers.)
I think you mean affectionately instead of affectionate when describing Phi. And there should be a comma, not a period when Zar makes a comment about joining their waltz.
When you start explaining how Liss annoys people, "The whole episode began like this:" is how it should go, as you're describing a sequence of events.
                                    You have an unnecessary "to" next to strike. I don't know why...
                                    Though I would probably be very concerned if I did... 0_0