A poem about a young girl and her struggles during Christmas......Will her life start to look up? Read on and find out! x
I like this...I think it's interesting that you chose to use the same word at the end of each pairing. There's really no rhythm to it because some of the sentences have a lot of info in them, but you're telling a story so in a way I still think it's great and unique.
There are a couple of places where you could use semi-colons instead of commas...but other than that your grammar was great! I hope I've been helpful. :)