On hold in the works of re writing
What does she look like and can you put a picture with up of her hair please @uniqueflaws
Really good Chapter, a few errors so just read through it. =]
this is pretty good but i have to agree you need more length and more detail
but so far its really good
It's a good start, sounds like it could get really interesting!
@alicev: It's like a pass 2 get on2 a certain bus for kids under 16 which is free ....did that help ? : )
When you introduce Jerome, you move into a conversation mode like you're talking to the reader. This is acceptable if you start out that way though.