Tell Me You Love Me. Sure, Why Not?

Tell Me You Love Me. Sure, Why Not?

641 Reads 5 Votes 2 Part Story
xomusicluvr16xo By xomusicluvr16xo Updated Feb 11, 2011

A girl named Lily goes to a Justin Bieber concert with her friend, Hailey. When Justin starts to stare at her and sings to her onstage, she has a feeling that she might have him as a friend. But what if she starts to like him more? Fan girls are probably going to try to kill her while she sleeps! Just another Justin Bieber fan-fiction! :)

silentxrequiem silentxrequiem Jul 20, 2011
Okay, to tell you the truth, this is very...dry. It doesn't have many descriptions and a lot of explaining. Sorry, but it's just some criticism to help you get better. Plus some of the grammar and punctuation usage is wrong....
xomusicluvr16xo xomusicluvr16xo Feb 12, 2011
@CJ_Apathy @trishthewriter @Sunshinebby Thanks for the feedback! It really helps! :)
Sunshinebby Sunshinebby Feb 11, 2011
Um, okay so there is potential here. Lol. I would recommend more imagery, paint a scene, and definitely slow it down a bit. Your chapter was one page and so much happened so fast. Lol. Take you time with it, take the reader on a journey. But this could definitely be something huge (: good luck!