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35 Reads 6 Votes 1 Part Story
Mattias By TechieInAK Completed

When Tim is sent on a mission to save the Earth from a bleak future, he's convinced that he will be greeted as a savior. Little does he know that the world he is intent on saving is not interested in his solutions and as the end draws near, he finds himself in a position where his own survival is in question. 

** Originally written for a sci-fi writing challenge. As of 3/2/17, I have decided to continue the story. I'm currently in the process of writing it and expect to start posting chapters within a few weeks. **

Cover image originally from NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center, used under Creative Commons 2.0.

A small adjustment, but consider rephrasing so that you only use the word 'mind' once.
mackeywriting mackeywriting 2 days ago
Nice hook. The closest thing to a flaw is his somewhat mild reaction to losing a life-saving device in such a careless way, but it's about fifteen seconds before he gets saved so I guess it never really gets the chance to sink in.
TechieInAK TechieInAK Apr 02
Yeah, that's actually a cause of the original prompt for the story. But, you're right, it does deserve an explanation.
You do a good job of explaining everything else that happens in this story later on, but I'm still not sure what it is that prompted this violent reaction in your main character here. If you plan on explaining in a future chapter, great! Otherwise you might want to clear it up for the reader
Came here from Google+! Your story is amazing, I think this would be excellent for a movie! I love how you've been able to maintain a flow even when it's so detailed. Can't wait for more!
UnwantedFlyer6 UnwantedFlyer6 Dec 20, 2016
Wow this was really, really good. Totally different and I love different. You have an amazing way with detail, I could imagine every scene with vivid pictures. You should totally expand this story, I want to know what happens to earth and Tim!