124 Reads 23 Votes 1 Part Story
Mattias By TechieInAK Completed

When Tim is sent on a mission to save the Earth from a bleak future, he's convinced that he will be greeted as a savior. Little does he know that the world he is intent on saving is not interested in his solutions and as the end draws near, he finds himself in a position where his own survival is in question. 

** Originally written for a sci-fi writing challenge. As of April 2018, the outline for this story is being redone as part of Camp Nanowrimo. **

Cover image originally from NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center, used under Creative Commons 2.0.

  • action
  • adventure
  • apocalypse
  • sci-fi
  • scifi
katycage katycage Jun 02, 2017
These last two paragraphs are a bit of an info dump. I understand that was kind of necessary because it started as a short story. But if you plan on expanding it into a novel, or even just a longer short story, then I'd suggest sprinkling all of this info throughout a couple chapters.
gavin_w gavin_w May 10, 2017
If you put a comment after air, it would add more emphasis to the rest of the sentence and help with the flow!
katycage katycage Jun 02, 2017
A little grammar mishap here. I'm sure you know how to fix it. :)
- - Apr 01, 2017
A small adjustment, but consider rephrasing so that you only use the word 'mind' once.
gavin_w gavin_w May 10, 2017
This is an effective use of shorter, sharper sentences. It really puts emphasis on what's happening!
mackeywriting mackeywriting Apr 26, 2017
Nice hook. The closest thing to a flaw is his somewhat mild reaction to losing a life-saving device in such a careless way, but it's about fifteen seconds before he gets saved so I guess it never really gets the chance to sink in.