Open, Charlie

Open, Charlie

584 Reads 113 Votes 10 Part Story
Olga Godim By olga_godim Completed

Eighteen-year-old Charlie is running away from her stepfather, a New York gangster. For five long years, he has been forcing her to use her magical abilities to open bank vaults and safe boxes. Charlie wants to escape his brutal rule but where in America would she be safe from his ruthless avarice? Could she trust anyone? After all, everyone has a price, and her stepfather is devious enough and rich enough to pay almost anything to get her - his personal magic picklock - back.

Luvina Luvina Mar 25
My only critique is that is reveals quite a lot really fast. You could focus more on her fear, and slowly bring out the beatings part as time goes on. Draw it out a little instead of "here, reader, this is why--plop". Otherwise the flow is great. Good start
8fifteenTea 8fifteenTea Jun 05
Omg. I've never read a book like this on here and It's very interesting, the fact that you gave her the power to pick locks. That's different. Let me keep reading lol
pionoplayer pionoplayer Jul 17
I like how she stays focused on that rage, and doesn't just set about doing everything super level-headedly.
pionoplayer pionoplayer Jul 17
Very nice, you did a great job with descriptors and everything was reasonably thought out and made sense. This is very well done.
Beautiful first chapter. It had me from the word go and wouldn't let go.
pionoplayer pionoplayer Jul 17
Nice first paragraph. you're good at setting things up right at the start.