Bleeder [Blood Magic, Book 1]

39 Part Story 431K Reads 15.1K Votes
Monica S. Kuebler By deathofcool Completed
[Wattpad Featured Story]
    
    What if everything you knew about yourself was a lie?
    
    Mildred "Mills" Millhatten had a good life: close-knit family, fantastic friends, decent grades and even a not-totally-annoying kid brother. You might say it was the best kind of ordinary. So nothing could have prepared her for being taken and cast into a strange, vicious world that she didn't know existed and has little hope of understanding. 
    
    As a Bleeder - one whose lifeblood feeds the Nosferatu - her continued survival hangs ever in the balance. The creatures are keeping her alive because they believe her blood has mystical properties. Mills fears what will happen when they realize they are wrong.
    
    If she hopes to survive and discover who she truly is, she needs an ally. She needs to befriend the mysterious boy who's been secretly visiting her cell, even though he's destined to become a bloodthirsty monster. Because she lives in their world now, and if she doesn't do something fast, she's going to die in it too.
@Citrus17 I think you need to stop thinking about them as harsh. Letting a writer know what you like about their story is as important as letting them know what didn't work for you. The only way writers grow and improve is by getting feedback of both kinds on their work. And, as a writer, it is important to remember to consider all feedback carefully, but also to take it with a grain of salt, because each reader is different and enjoys different things in a book. (Some people LOVE descriptive opening chapters, while others get antsy if there isn't an action sequence right off the top, for instance.) But if something keeps coming up over and over again in the comments, then it's definitely time to pay closer attention. Quality feedback can be a writer's best friend, not only helping you hone your story, but also in preparing you for the writer/editor relationship when that day comes. 
                                    
                                    As for your prologue, I don't think you should delete it. I agree it is a decent piece of writing, but I do think you should rework it to get it doing more for you and your readers. Use it to introduce us more to her life in America, so that we really feel her pain and loss when her father announces the family is moving. Consider giving her something that she's looking forward to. Maybe something like prom or a trip with friends, something that she'll now have to miss. By adding details like that, we not only feel her plight more acutely, but we'll get to know more about her personality and what she likes and what kind of people she hangs with, etc. You can start that great character building you do in Chapter One even earlier. Does that help??
@Citrus17 I think you need to stop thinking about them as harsh. Letting a writer know what you like about their story is as important as letting them know what didn't work for you. The only way writers grow and improve is by getting feedback of both kinds on their work. And, as a writer, it is important to remember to consider all feedback carefully, but also to take it with a grain of salt, because each reader is different and enjoys different things in a book. (Some people LOVE descriptive opening chapters, while others get antsy if there isn't an action sequence right off the top, for instance.) But if something keeps coming up over and over again in the comments, then it's definitely time to pay closer attention. Quality feedback can be a writer's best friend, not only helping you hone your story, but also in preparing you for the writer/editor relationship when that day comes. 
                                    
                                    As for your prologue, I don't think you should delete it. I agree it is a decent piece of writing, but I do think you should rework it to get it doing more for you and your readers. Use it to introduce us more to her life in America, so that we really feel her pain and loss when her father announces the family is moving. Consider giving her something that she's looking forward to. Maybe something like prom or a trip with friends, something that she'll now have to miss. By adding details like that, we not only feel her plight more acutely, but we'll get to know more about her personality and what she likes and what kind of people she hangs with, etc. You can start that great character building you do in Chapter One even earlier. Does that help??
@Citrus17 I think you need to stop thinking about them as harsh. Letting a writer know what you like about their story is as important as letting them know what didn't work for you. The only way writers grow and improve is by getting feedback of both kinds on their work. And, as a writer, it is important to remember to consider all feedback carefully, but also to take it with a grain of salt, because each reader is different and enjoys different things in a book. (Some people LOVE descriptive opening chapters, while others get antsy if there isn't an action sequence right off the top, for instance.) But if something keeps coming up over and over again in the comments, then it's definitely time to pay closer attention. Quality feedback can be a writer's best friend, not only helping you hone your story, but also in preparing you for the writer/editor relationship when that day comes. 
                                    
                                    As for your prologue, I don't think you should delete it. I agree it is a decent piece of writing, but I do think you should rework it to get it doing more for you and your readers. Use it to introduce us more to her life in America, so that we really feel her pain and loss when her father announces the family is moving. Consider giving her something that she's looking forward to. Maybe something like prom or a trip with friends, something that she'll now have to miss. By adding details like that, we not only feel her plight more acutely, but we'll get to know more about her personality and what she likes and what kind of people she hangs with, etc. You can start that great character building you do in Chapter One even earlier. Does that help??
@Citrus17 I think you need to stop thinking about them as harsh. Letting a writer know what you like about their story is as important as letting them know what didn't work for you. The only way writers grow and improve is by getting feedback of both kinds on their work. And, as a writer, it is important to remember to consider all feedback carefully, but also to take it with a grain of salt, because each reader is different and enjoys different things in a book. (Some people LOVE descriptive opening chapters, while others get antsy if there isn't an action sequence right off the top, for instance.) But if something keeps coming up over and over again in the comments, then it's definitely time to pay closer attention. Quality feedback can be a writer's best friend, not only helping you hone your story, but also in preparing you for the writer/editor relationship when that day comes. 
                                    
                                    As for your prologue, I don't think you should delete it. I agree it is a decent piece of writing, but I do think you should rework it to get it doing more for you and your readers. Use it to introduce us more to her life in America, so that we really feel her pain and loss when her father announces the family is moving. Consider giving her something that she's looking forward to. Maybe something like prom or a trip with friends, something that she'll now have to miss. By adding details like that, we not only feel her plight more acutely, but we'll get to know more about her personality and what she likes and what kind of people she hangs with, etc. You can start that great character building you do in Chapter One even earlier. Does that help??
@Citrus17 I think you need to stop thinking about them as harsh. Letting a writer know what you like about their story is as important as letting them know what didn't work for you. The only way writers grow and improve is by getting feedback of both kinds on their work. And, as a writer, it is important to remember to consider all feedback carefully, but also to take it with a grain of salt, because each reader is different and enjoys different things in a book. (Some people LOVE descriptive opening chapters, while others get antsy if there isn't an action sequence right off the top, for instance.) But if something keeps coming up over and over again in the comments, then it's definitely time to pay closer attention. Quality feedback can be a writer's best friend, not only helping you hone your story, but also in preparing you for the writer/editor relationship when that day comes. 
                                    
                                    As for your prologue, I don't think you should delete it. I agree it is a decent piece of writing, but I do think you should rework it to get it doing more for you and your readers. Use it to introduce us more to her life in America, so that we really feel her pain and loss when her father announces the family is moving. Consider giving her something that she's looking forward to. Maybe something like prom or a trip with friends, something that she'll now have to miss. By adding details like that, we not only feel her plight more acutely, but we'll get to know more about her personality and what she likes and what kind of people she hangs with, etc. You can start that great character building you do in Chapter One even earlier. Does that help??
@Citrus17 I think you need to stop thinking about them as harsh. Letting a writer know what you like about their story is as important as letting them know what didn't work for you. The only way writers grow and improve is by getting feedback of both kinds on their work. And, as a writer, it is important to remember to consider all feedback carefully, but also to take it with a grain of salt, because each reader is different and enjoys different things in a book. (Some people LOVE descriptive opening chapters, while others get antsy if there isn't an action sequence right off the top, for instance.) But if something keeps coming up over and over again in the comments, then it's definitely time to pay closer attention. Quality feedback can be a writer's best friend, not only helping you hone your story, but also in preparing you for the writer/editor relationship when that day comes. 
                                    
                                    As for your prologue, I don't think you should delete it. I agree it is a decent piece of writing, but I do think you should rework it to get it doing more for you and your readers. Use it to introduce us more to her life in America, so that we really feel her pain and loss when her father announces the family is moving. Consider giving her something that she's looking forward to. Maybe something like prom or a trip with friends, something that she'll now have to miss. By adding details like that, we not only feel her plight more acutely, but we'll get to know more about her personality and what she likes and what kind of people she hangs with, etc. You can start that great character building you do in Chapter One even earlier. Does that help??