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My Mystery Man

My Mystery Man

20.5K Reads 291 Votes 17 Part Story
chika_flaka By chika_flaka Updated Feb 03, 2013

Ariana is a normal 17 year old girl who is shy and nervous when it comes to guys. Until she begins to hear his voice and when she finally meets him she instantly falls in love with him. Will she be able to break out of her shell and open her heart to him or is she destined for heartbreak and sadness.

PutDownMyCupcakes PutDownMyCupcakes Nov 11, 2012
Ohh! Love it. Perfect lenght to keep you curious. I want to advice you to cut it into paragraphs, but otherwise, I liked it. Definitely reading on.
MusicIsMySoul MusicIsMySoul Jun 20, 2011
Sounds interesting : ) A little confused on the speech though, maybe try breaking it up a little, like new person speaking new line kinda thing :) But im gonna read on =] Voted : ) x
RimUranium RimUranium Jun 03, 2011
Ooh mysterious :O I bet she isn't as ugly as other cow-like girls are claiming -_- poor thing!!! Is she that miserable? :L <3 voted
MoniqueTheRippah MoniqueTheRippah Apr 07, 2011
quite spooky with the little whisper, I like it :)
                              Maybe you should use the rule, new speaker new line? It makes it clear who's speaking :)
NESMAN NESMAN Mar 31, 2011
Pretty good, just remember spacing and capitals, i hope you put more up. -VOTED-
GreatPyrenees GreatPyrenees Mar 28, 2011
Pretty much exactly what @techniicolor said. This needs work. But I do see a lot of potential in the plot, once a flow is developed. Just keep on writing, and never give up!