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The Test

The Test

1.7M Reads 43K Votes 29 Part Story
Patricia S. By Patpookie Updated 4 days ago

Going through my pictures, I went to the one that I had just taken, and the phone slowly slipped out of my grasp.
    What had escaped my notice before is that the couch I had taken the picture on was against a window, which showed the backyard of the house. But in this picture, it wasn't an empty backyard. No, behind my smiling face was another one, outside the window. It was his face. Covered with a black ski mask, watching me.

***

    All 19-year-old Layna wanted to do was forget about the guy that broke her heart, and move on with her new boyfriend Brian.
    But instead, she unwittingly attracted the attention of a stalker. Someone who had been watching her every move for a month, plotting and planning for the perfect moment when he could take her.
    What Layna never would have expected was that when he finally kidnaps her, she would have to undergo "The Test". The Test that the girls before her had gone through. The one they failed, and payed heavily for.
    Will she pass The Test or will she die like the others?

I feel like it's Brian bc there's only two ppl on the cast list and idk how he would stay relevant enough to be there after she was taken unless he was the killer
that were there is really redundant and slows down the tension. The rest is excellent
as the (on) should be ... one, as in..... as the one downstairs.
I know you say your doing major editing, so I'll go through this chapter and make suggestions. But that's all they are - suggestions. If you see it differently, than ingore them.
Punctuation problem with stained with blood, of a mutilated. (sound disjointed.
                              
                              
                              Maybe...It was a blood-stained Polaroid, with the image of a mutilated arm.
You could then follow that up with 
                              
                              My hands shook and my heartbeat sped up as I held it between thumb and forefinger as is there were a bomb inside.