The Black Curtain (Josh Dun)

The Black Curtain (Josh Dun)

3.1K Reads 154 Votes 13 Part Story
clique_pen By clique_pen Updated Jun 06

Ana-(f) insomniac, depressed, anxious, artist, coffee lover, cat owner, from Oklahoma, and dreamless 

Josh-(m) drummer, depressed, anxious, insomniac, coffee lover, hair dye addict, from Ohio, in a band with his best friend, and purposelessness

How they cross paths is just a miracle, and what becomes of them is a blessing in disguise. 
Will Ana be able to dream again without the torturous "nightmares"? And will Josh find a purpose? Guess you'll have to read to find out 
 



Cover Credit to: @briwxah

joshlertrash3005 joshlertrash3005 Sep 15, 2016
dont do boldddd. italics are wayy cooler looking. also space between what blurry says and her responses. flows better that way
joshlertrash3005 joshlertrash3005 Sep 15, 2016
the sounds things flow better when u space between them. also, what is the setting here? You know shes in her room, but who else does? And what is she doing up? how does she feel? natural flowing detailsss (repetitive, but not cluttered)
joshlertrash3005 joshlertrash3005 Sep 15, 2016
dont come right out and comment on his cuteness. also, this doesnt really flow. details are good...but i wouldnt use the word man. throws it off. u got a good grunge guy vibe going, throwing man into the mix makes it weird
joshlertrash3005 joshlertrash3005 Sep 15, 2016
dont come right out and say shes an artist and shes shy about it. if the reader knows too much at one time, they'll get bored. work this from another angle, maybe shes working on art at the time? details on what shes doing. how do her hands bend as she draws?  imagery is key
joshlertrash3005 joshlertrash3005 Sep 15, 2016
where is the thought process here? also, who is in her house letting her out that late? isnt she worried she'll get caught? dont rushhhh
joshlertrash3005 joshlertrash3005 Sep 15, 2016
with the looks, dont come right out and say i have this and that. work it into what she does, (ex. brushing her hair, going about her day, complaining about frizziness) same with the eyes. work it into the story, don't stop events to explain