My Mother the Killer -  #1 Bishop and Valentine mystery #feature

My Mother the Killer - #1 Bishop and Valentine mystery #feature

14.8K Reads 812 Votes 23 Part Story
Steven Hamling By StevenHamling Completed

36 year old detective Jack Bishop had lost it all. He had lost his wife when she was killed 8 years old, and he was framed for the crime. He was sent to Poseidon Penitentiary in the city of Poseidon Florida. He is now out of prison. He has a need to bring justice into the world, and opens up his own private investigator service Bishop Investigations.

Carrie Valentine is a want to be crime journalist who is stuck writing advice columns , and looking for her big break. She lives with her Mom in a suburban section of Poseidon city. A area with its own secrets.

These two unrelated strangers will soon join forces when Carrie finds her next door neighbor stabbed to death, and Carrie mom is gonna take the fall for the crime. While Carrie hired Jack to find her mother and clear her name, Carrie is going to find the real killer, but both of them have to watch every step they take.

  • amateur
  • dectective
  • featured
  • mudermystery
  • mystery
  • mystery-thriller
  • sleuth
linahanson linahanson Mar 30, 2017
Whoa, the guy must have a death wish... XD But I like this better. You explain what is going on in his head and by doing that you do not just TELL what is happening but you ShOW what sort of person Jack is...
linahanson linahanson Mar 30, 2017
Can you actually become a PI with a criminal record? Especially for murder?
linahanson linahanson Mar 30, 2017
He really is ditzy! He must know what this sort of reaction will get him.
linahanson linahanson Mar 30, 2017
...long time," Buck said angrily. here, the comma is needed to close your speech tag. And I'm not sure I like the adverb. It's not wrong but could Buck not growl for example. Give me a strong verb any time..
linahanson linahanson Mar 30, 2017
Jack sounds ditzy here. Even if he might not remember them all in real life but this is fiction. By asking himself, Jack gives the impression of an airhead which he probably is not. "Remebered him all to well" is more to the point, better suited to a hard-boilded (well, sort of) detective
linahanson linahanson Mar 30, 2017
Chicken idea WAS what got him caught. Watch your tenses, they can cause major havoc in your novel.