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KiingeBee • One Thing Leads to Another (COMPLETED)

KiingeBee • One Thing Leads to Another (COMPLETED)

5.5K Reads 197 Votes 34 Part Story
• BTS Trash • By MochiWithTaeAndSuga Completed

<Bee's POV>

I've been doing the same thing over and over. Every. Single. Day. Coughing, crying, yelling, and throwing up at the same time. Will demanded I go to the doctor. So today's the day I got to the doctor, I said in my head. "Bee, you ready?" I heard Will say. Am I ready? "Yeah," I said. And we left.

****

We got to the doctors, the doctor asked me what's wrong. "I don't know, that's why we're here. Well, I have been coughing, crying, yelling, and throwing up at the same time..." I said. "I see," the doctor said, "Do you mind if I take a quick test?" I nodded my head. The doctor came back a few minutes later with a frowning face. "Has anybody in your family had.. cancer?" The doctor said. "Yes, my great grandfather had a brain tumor. Why do you ask...?" I said. "Well," the doctor said, "I'm sorry to say but you have a type of cancer. We think it's Lymphoma." Will looked at me with teary eyes.

_____
Story by @MochiWithTaeAndSuga / BTS Trash (used to be @julienneofficial)
All rights reserved 2016©

Leverance Leverance Mar 21
 #TNLbookclub
                              
                              Trust the reader when it comes to this, for example using a thought or description to indicate he is recalling something.
Leverance Leverance Mar 21
 #TNLbookclub
                              
                              It's more professional to have just character name here. This is more a style of writing, though.
Leverance Leverance Mar 21
 #TNLboolclub 
                              
                              I agree with @Spruce_Goose. However there wasn't that many mistakes so it's a start!
Leverance Leverance Mar 21
 #TNLbookclub
                              
                              You are jumping POVs too quickly here, when changing POV, do it in a new chapter or else it disrupts the reading and flow also it isn't always needed. I would refrain from doing this.
Leverance Leverance Mar 21
 #TNLbookclub 
                              
                              You already used lots of I's in this paragraph, you also could describe more what they were vlogging about. The sentences are somewhat repeating.
AsteckMC AsteckMC Aug 05, 2016
Love this book it awesome I can't wait till the next chapter👍🏾👍🏾😍