a mess || brian quinn

a mess || brian quinn

10.3K Reads 376 Votes 36 Part Story
>they/them< By totally-bogus Updated Sep 25

Messes can be created in an instant. You could knock something over or spill a glass, causing a puddle of liquid to seep into the carpet. Perhaps you slice your finger open while chopping up vegetables; for blood stains most things. On the other hand, messes can build up for awhile before they can actually fit the definition. Like the ones that I create or cause. They tend to happen over a longer period of time due to the fact that I have a terrible tendency to let things pile up to a dangerous point before I realize how bad the mess really is. And then, at that point, I don't even know where or how to start cleaning. The mess becomes overwhelming to a point where I can't even pick anything up before telling myself that it's useless; that I'll never be able to get it completely clean. And that's when I let it consume me. The mess eats at my skin until it manifests itself inside of me. Then, it takes over my body, and it doesn't let go until I cave in and accept that I am the mess.


•••


Started: 7/24/16
Ended: n/a

  • brianquinn
  • depression
  • fanfiction
  • impracticaljokers
  • jamesmurray
  • joegatto
  • love
  • murr
  • sal
  • salvulcano
  • selfharm
  • suicide
  • wattys2017
 #Rebelbc
                              
                              This was a nice start! You manage to make one tense for the main character already. Although, you used the phrase “emitting light’’ twice. I recommend changing that.
 #Rebelbc
                              I feel like this section needs a bit more explaining. What's happening? Why has this happened before? That kind of thing.
TigerBlam TigerBlam Sep 19
 #RebelBC
                              I'm also a bit confused by this. It seems like a personal writing aid you would use when you write your story, but not something you actually want others to see...?
TigerBlam TigerBlam Sep 21
 #RebelBC
                              I love the way you've started this text. I think it would be even better, if you make a new paragraph after "He wasn't far behind." and let that linger a bit in the reader's mind.
                              
                              (and delete "I didn't know what to do" as it's unnecessary)
osbert_dw osbert_dw Aug 17
A mix between an introvert and an extrovert is called an ambivert
amayaviolet amayaviolet Sep 23
 #Rebelbc A tense opening line. I like it but I think there is something off about the paragraph maybe it's the 'I didn't know what to do' part that's bothering me but that's just my opinion.