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His Pet

His Pet

37.5K Reads 1.7K Votes 25 Part Story
Abnormal Angel By abnormalAngel Updated Nov 15, 2016


Jacob is the last person you would consider submissive, he's sarcastic and troubled, and puts up one hell of a fight.
His life quickly turned south at a young age when his family died in a car accident, after years of abuse in foster care he's finally free and on the streets, barely scraping Jacob works hard for what he has and doesn't take shit from anybody.

Kyrain is a very well known dominant and a CEO of many companies and is wealthy beyond Jacob's imagination, when Kyrain's buys Jacob at an auction what happens when these two completely different people meet?

So this is my first book so just let me know if I screw up (I'm perfectly OK with criticism but please try and help me solve the issue). There is a lot of mature language and this will not be a supernatural story everyone is human and will stay that way. 
I would like to point out that the description sucks, my writing in the book I feel is better. Also I am writing this on my phone so expect slow updates, I'll try for a minimum of one chapter a week, all the chapters are around 2500 words and are pretty long, so enjoy!

You keep switching between the first and third person. Maybe fix that le author. C:
XXmysticangelXX XXmysticangelXX Dec 15, 2016
Write this into the characters actions, so we can see it. Instead of you bluntly telling us the scene
XXmysticangelXX XXmysticangelXX Dec 15, 2016
This contradicts what you first wrote. If he saw it already how can he be shocked. Also use actions ex: I raised my fist up into a pose ready to block and strike out a punch. Instead of I asked ready to fight.
XXmysticangelXX XXmysticangelXX Dec 16, 2016
Use description like, I could see the wrinkles lining up his sun burnt face. He wore a size too small spilling out his giant beer gut. And you again can describe that it's raining by action like, I can't having to swipe the water out of my eyes, it kept pouring even harder then before.
Would you like help on editing? I help alot of my friends out with their stories.
AbelDunTyler AbelDunTyler Oct 12, 2016
I like it.. Just a tad confused... It's in Third P.O.V but... Parts use words like 'I'm' or 'I'...