'I am tired of being manipulated and hated'
During the day, asexual demi-girl Allison lives under siege from the barbed bombs hidden in hateful words from bullies.
'I am tired of being terrified of myself'
In the evening, the memory of the mother that she killed with her own hands haunts her.
'I am tired of being afraid to even close my eyes, in case I wake up and see him in my bed'
And at night, she lives under the shadow of her abusive father.
'I am tired of hoping, of dreaming of a life that will never be in my grasp'
She has long since learned to accept that there is no escape for her.
'I am tired of the tears of my soul that leak across the page like ink'
Sometimes she clenches her heart and writes stories; she dares to imagine that she could be somebody else, in another world.
'I am tired of living'
Despair crashes in like a monstrous tsunami, she is stuck in this eternal carousel of life.
'I'm broken. I'm evil. Every pore of my body stings with that knowledge, my mind burns with the horrible inferno of this. Day after day, I hide it; but careful smiles and fractured laughs can't always hide the blood spilling like tears through bandages, the long sleeves veiling the scars, the terrible screams at night or the darkness spilling through the cracks in my soul'
Allison longs for freedom, she longs to go back to that wide-eyed innocence of childhood and the fragile wonder at the beautiful world around her.
But she knows that is not to be.
'I wish sometimes I could just erase myself'
*trigger warning, see disclaimer inside*