When Hell Freezes Over

When Hell Freezes Over

16.5K Reads 1.2K Votes 21 Part Story
MAD By MADcreations Updated Aug 10

"You don't know you you're talking to, huh? Let me give you a quick Wikipedia-page-worthy summary. I'm Mynus Trilio, the oldest, most destructive, lethal, unpredictable person to ever walk this planet. I have wiped out villages within hours. I have killed men, women, and children. I have literally taken candy from a baby. I'm the reason a certain type of tiger went extinct. If it weren't for me, Hitler would've never gotten his debut. So, if you please," He threw me a sadistic smile, "show me a bit more respect."
  
  Dear Reader,
  	
  	This isn't your typical damsel-in-distress story. It's a damsel-in-distress-gets-destroyed type of story. There is no savior, there is no good protagonist. This is the beginning of a corrupted, dark-humored, disturbing life. The good will not exist by the end of this. Only the bad.
  	
  	The bad has a name. It's Hell. The good also has a name - it's Heaven. But Heaven has it's downfalls and Hell has it's advantages. They both share the same name - Trilio. Neither of them get along with each other. They haven't talked for a very long time, but that was all about to change. Because I needed answers. 
  	
  	My answers laid in the hands of the Trilio twins, and I was going to get them even if it meant Hell would freeze over.
  
  	Unluckily for me, he did.

The part about the old bar is confusing, I had to read back to check to see if there was a mention of an old bar and a new bar. Also, how does the barkeeper know who the MC is?
Change the 'you' in the second sentence to 'me', or try re-wording it as 'It becomes second nature to not care what anyone thinks about you.'
Try actually stating the question, otherwise that last sentence is confusing .
Years ago? I could have mis-read it but  thought she had no memory of more than a year ago??
Roller_Coaster16 Roller_Coaster16 Jun 22, 2016
I really love this! It's so exciting and different from your novels. Best of luck xx
CrazyIsTheNewAwesome CrazyIsTheNewAwesome Jun 21, 2016
Ooooh !!! 😍😍😍😍 I'm in love with this guys already!