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Pen Your Pride
Carnival of Feasts

Carnival of Feasts

575 Reads 91 Votes 1 Part Story
Cynthia Varady By CynthiaVarady Updated Jun 06, 2016

With his brother whisked away in the night, it's up to Josh to figure out what happened and rescue him. Finding an unlikely informant and the details he needs to move forward, Josh puts into motion a plan to save his little brother.

This short was written for tGrehe #OnceUponNow writing contest hosted by @target and plays off three of my favorite fairy tales: The Pied Piper of Hamelin, Spirited Away, and Hansel and Gretel.

  • carnivals
  • contest
  • fairytale
  • ghosts
  • horror
  • kids
  • paranormal
  • scarry
  • ya
  • youngadult
henry_scott henry_scott Oct 04, 2016
I'd drop the 'we need to eat' from here.  Save it for later.
henry_scott henry_scott Oct 12, 2016
Needs more explanation.  Do kids get eaten at their first show? Are they truly eaten or do they feed of their soul or something else z?
henry_scott henry_scott Sep 27, 2016
Long sentence.  Break after father and put rest on the next paragraph.
henry_scott henry_scott Oct 04, 2016
Maybe  ' the barker lunged at me. I swung hard looking for a home run. As the bat's polished sheen connected with his arm, he disappeared.  Red and black smoke hung in his place'
CynthiaVarady CynthiaVarady Oct 04, 2016
@henry_scott I revised the part with the right-hand bit. I'm on my laptop, so I'm not sure if this will show up in the thread or not.
henry_scott henry_scott Oct 04, 2016
This reads weird. Maybe 'he was the barker from the real carnival.  Unlike him, this one '