The Cities Lay In Ruin

The Cities Lay In Ruin

908 Reads 122 Votes 7 Part Story
Vphan By quiarahb Updated Nov 14

"The scroll and the lever will open the pass together..." Those were the words elf orphan, Zeno, heard in the niche behind the waterfalls. 

A midling elf orphan on the streets of Cari City, Zeno keeps to the shadows and lives by a code given to her by her long-dead guardian. But when Zeno bites into a piece of bread given to her by an old beggar woman who's been trailing her,  Zeno finds an ancient coin of the elven mages long killed off by the Darkthreal Queen. 

Even stranger, an earth mage, Revien, springs forth from the coin in all of his green splendor and tells Zeno he is there to serve only her, the old beggar is really a warrior mage named Faely'n, and she is more than just a street wretch--she is the way to finding five keys to five cross pieces and  restoring the five kingdoms.

Strangest of all is the scroll Zeno eats to reveal a cryptic message of the five cross pieces and use the halo of light around her hands as a guide to locate the first key. Uncertainty takes hold, until Zeno is attacked and poisoned by the Queen's flying henchmen and left Zeno in a state of delirium with dreams and memories far too sinister to be real.  She now has no choice but to seek the cross pieces and find a way to restore the five kingdoms.

Unable to tell her dreams and memories apart, reality from fantasy, Zeno, Revien, and Faely'n are left to battle her mind and the Queen  at every dangerous turn as the poison eats away at Zeno. Arriving at their first destination is only half the battle. 

Finding a cure to keep Zeno alive means everything.

And my amazingly beautiful book cover is dedicated to @writtenbycats!! Thanks so much for listening and making necessary changes, while creating such loveliness! I really appreciate all you have done!

  • adventure
  • bringdiversity
  • creatures
  • curses
  • dark
  • elves
  • epic
  • evil
  • fantasy
  • female
  • highfantasy
  • journey
  • love
  • mages
  • magic
  • protagonist
  • queens
  • ruin
  • wattys2016
  • ya
AnonymousLifeofLies AnonymousLifeofLies Jun 10, 2016
The beginning, especially how clueless she is except for that moment and her surrounding is nicely played out
JasonTemple JasonTemple Jun 25, 2016
Very interesting idea opening on something not so pleasant. It really works though.
AnonymousLifeofLies AnonymousLifeofLies Jun 10, 2016
The first line of some of your paras rhymes whether intentionally or unintentionally. But that is really cool :
hiraethia hiraethia Jul 17, 2016
ok I was just going to leave one overall comment though I am already breaking that resolve. I absolutely need to express how much I love this opening, the imagery is great and it works so well for the start!
AnonymousLifeofLies AnonymousLifeofLies Jun 10, 2016
Swallowing hard, she held it at bay.
                              Perhaps its the overall tense structure of the paragraph but I thought it would be better if you wrote, 
                              She swallowed hard to hold it at bay,
Rawiya13 Rawiya13 Jul 08, 2016
Great job. I couldn't find anything really to critique. The details were wonderful and showing details. You kept consistent with information, and drew me in with the first few paragraphs. I am curious enough to keep reading. Fantastic job