This story is my first and I would love feedback :D
Also... If you take a new line every time someone speaks it makes it so much easier to keep track of who is talking. But yes. Great. :)
If you break it down into different parts it will give people a chance to comment on what they liked or disliked in certain parts, and will obtain you more votes. Just an idea but I read all the way through and loved it!
Really, really good. :]
I don't know what you are talking about when you said you cant write because half the wrting is in the story and your ideas are really good. The concept is really original and interesting. It is really good (I voted).xxx