Sparks Fly

Sparks Fly

509 Reads 42 Votes 6 Part Story
Alice By Tokine_Kekkaishi Updated Dec 12, 2011

“Tr…Tristan…” I moaned, his hand tugging on my bra. He moved his lips from my neck to my mouth. Our lips locked and kissed with all our passion. Our tongues were twisted in a wrestling match. I heard a ‘snap!’ and my bra was undone.

shazzypops shazzypops Nov 29, 2011
Not really what I was expecting...lol. Are you writing the guys POV? It could use some padding out and extra descriptions/thoughts. You may also wanna check your grammar.
summergirl21 summergirl21 Nov 29, 2011
More detail I think would help.  The story is fine, i mean its a real thing so how could it not be? But describe more, write more about what they are thinking and such.
                              Cute cute :)
foxifae foxifae Nov 18, 2011
'My little friend' lol. I'm not usually a fan of changing POVs. It confuses me. I'd work on your synopsis if you want more reads. Give the reader an idea of where the story's going.
                              Good luck with the story. xx
Epic_Star Epic_Star Nov 18, 2011
Is this based on a true story? It's really cute. This story definatly has potential but remember to add some twists as it goes along, otherwise it'll be too cliche.
Tokine_Kekkaishi Tokine_Kekkaishi Nov 17, 2011
@NightFelicis Yes its true, and I'm Lauralee thats living it >_<
Ammago2 Ammago2 Nov 17, 2011
Is this really a true story? :) Not questioning you, just curious. The relationship between him and Lauren is very sweet. Wasn't excepting the second part, but it was a good first chapter nonetheless!