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Pen Your Pride
would love to love you

would love to love you

359 Reads 41 Votes 8 Part Story
kerry By pontweep1 Updated Apr 21, 2012

a boy named simon, is the most athletic and most intelligent person you could ever meet, he is also one of the most handsomest people in his school.
but there is a bit of a problem with his popularity, for he is hard to get close to and only has a couple of friends.
when a new girl called cassandra tries to befriend him, his world finally turns topsy turby , and she is more than he expected to be.

  • boy
  • cassandra
  • girl
  • guys
  • kingdom
  • love
  • magic
  • mysterious
  • nurses
  • office
  • prince
  • princess
  • school
  • servant
  • simon
ItsPrettyReckless ItsPrettyReckless Dec 07, 2011
There are a few small mistakes in this, but nothing major. Some of the writing doesn't flow very well, but that's nothing a little bit of editing won't do. Otherwise it's good. :)
Forcade Forcade Dec 05, 2011
The starting of this story was simple and gave a scene of a normal day. It was realistic. I also thought the details were cute :) lol
Ezmeralde Ezmeralde Dec 05, 2011
You have a nice style and you've mastered the dialouge between the characters it makes it seem very realistic. Could do with some more description but that's not too urgent. Also maybe add a bit more info about what the story is about so that the reader knows what they're getting into.
lovelifecostheres1d lovelifecostheres1d Dec 05, 2011
it is a good start - the speech is in normal people language which makes i easy to follow and like 'humm what does that word mean?' i really like stories like that
theskyis_black theskyis_black Dec 05, 2011
I liked this, it flowed really nicely and the dialogue was great!! Keep up the good work!!!! Reading on. Voted.
sleepysouls sleepysouls Dec 04, 2011
Nice dialogue; your story is easy to follow and flows nicely. Good job!