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Bunny Bop Hop

Bunny Bop Hop

19.6K Reads 1.7K Votes 22 Part Story
Mad Max By maxd01 Updated Aug 26, 2016

Bianca finds a human soldier as her mate.  Listen to their convoluted and amusing story.  He wakes up after an accident with a cute bunny girl next to him. Bianca finds that Jason is her mate and lead buck for their herd.

Ironplushy Ironplushy Jul 08
there was "a" storm approaching, also, why aren't you fixing your grammar errors? That comment is almost two months old and the error is still there
Ironplushy Ironplushy Jul 08
What does this person or helicopter look like that she sees? Also that first sentence is a mess.  It's flimsy and has bad punctuation.
Ironplushy Ironplushy Jul 08
oh also, left is relative, why wouldn't someone so in tune with nature use cardinal directions?
Ironplushy Ironplushy Jul 08
I feel like you could combine the first two sentences into one, less redundant sentence. Also you are using the word "eventually" a lot, which doesn't ever really need to be used in stories
Ironplushy Ironplushy Jul 08
You use the word "had" 5 times in the first 3 sentences. I suggest a rewrite. Also, I think you can just say "she heard the helicopter"
Ironplushy Ironplushy Jul 08
Is Larry the doctor? Is he a family member? This paragraph leaves a lot unanswered.