The Journey To Thebes

The Journey To Thebes

9.7K Reads 824 Votes 28 Part Story
Cate By _cmturner_ Completed

Complete ✔ Archaeologist Daniel Sterling risked his career and reputation in order to save an artifact from the clutches of a tomb robber. Now faced with unemployment and snubbed by his colleagues, he isn't sure what he should do next until he catches wind of more grave robbing schemes. Inspired by Daniel's endeavor, his friend Faris Al-Rashid teams up with him to beat the grave robbers to their next target: a royal tomb in The Valley of the Kings. Yet when the magnetic Aisha joins their expedition, the vulnerable artifacts are the least of Daniel's worries . . .

My Stories:
The Journey to Thebes ¦Prequel¦
[✔ Completed]

The Stolen Papyrus ¦Book 1¦
[✔ Completed ✩ Featured]

The Lost Sepulcher ¦Book 2¦

This story is the property of C. M. Turner. Characters and events are entirely fictional creations of the author's imagination. No part of this work may be copied without the author's prior consent. Plagiarism is illegal and will be prosecuted.

Current cover made by @astoundedstars

Tegan1311 Tegan1311 Sep 12, 2016
I think 'showing' here instead of 'telling' would lend more depth to the scene. Saying he coughed or gagged, backed away holding an arm in front of his nose, etc
Tegan1311 Tegan1311 Sep 12, 2016
For me, this line is a tad long and wordy. Having 'his head' and 'his eyes' doesn't help, and having 'and' twice doesn't either. At the very least, perhaps "squinted as he looked..." might read better.
Tegan1311 Tegan1311 Sep 12, 2016
I wonder if you should say this before now. Earlier you said Ali agreed to help for a price, then they're both in the tunnel and Ali's acting like he doesn't want to be there. I was confused until this line, so maybe hint at it sooner
Tegan1311 Tegan1311 Sep 12, 2016
Being in a mainly enclosed space, I wouldn't expect there to be wind, so I'm not sure saying 'the air is still' is necessary
Tegan1311 Tegan1311 Sep 12, 2016
'Indicated' is used twice, a bit close together. Try a synonym for one. 
                              I think something added to 'flat' would help, a texture. Smooth or rough
Tegan1311 Tegan1311 Sep 12, 2016
I don't think mentioning that he doesn't care about messing up his clothes is really pertinent.