Emerald: Dendro

Emerald: Dendro

3.3K Reads 794 Votes 27 Part Story
Jinn Tiole By jinnis Completed

The planet seems perfect for human settlement: lots of water, earth-like atmosphere and lush vegetation. Mil plunges into the study of the biosphere with enthusiasm. But one detail slips her attention...

linahanson linahanson Apr 12, 2016
'tears rather unceremoniously'. Rather is vague and unceremoniously an adverb. Try to use what is called a 'strong verb' instead, it will make your language more impactful. 
                              jolts? throws her out of her dream? Something like that.
linahanson linahanson Apr 12, 2016
You#re not the first one to translate a novel into English. There are a couple of very successful language authors on WP who are sharing their works. I was actually thinking of working the other way round. to translate 'In My Attic' into German once I'm done. First, I have to write it.
microwheels microwheels Jan 23
The colloquial expression is "not by a long shot."  Use that phrase instead of "not by a long way" when Mill is ruminating on how she feels about Dray.
linahanson linahanson Apr 12, 2016
Whoa. POV slip. From Mil to Dray in one sentence flat. 'She knows that Mil can and will....' 
                              that is not such a good idea..
krazydiamond krazydiamond Apr 12, 2016
Lou totally rocks.  As an early sci fi lover myself, the genre has a 'magic' all its own.