The rich bad ass falls in love with the quiet orphan (ON HOLD)

The rich bad ass falls in love with the quiet orphan (ON HOLD)

8.3K Reads 74 Votes 8 Part Story
Natalie(: By netlehbefbef Updated Sep 07, 2014

The new girl is quiet too quiet Damen wants to know why. He dosent know the truth about her no one does . Damen is one of the popular players, his ex- girlfriend Jessica is the first to threaten Blaze

jess98982 jess98982 May 03, 2012
I think you just need to go back and edit. Add some more description and make paragraphs. Having one giant paragraph is difficult to read. 
                              
                              Also, develop your character more.
                              
                              I'm only just finished Chapter 1 so thats my first opinion.