great start! but you did jump between third and first person.... :)
Please tell me there is more to this story!!! I love it so much! Please write more soon!
This is good!
But you jump back and forth between 3rd and 1st person sometimes, it just needs a little editing
wow! ur really good u know. u r definitely professional material! Good luck! iv'e got high hopes 4 u and i dont even know u! xxxx
this is probably one of the best fanfictions i've started reading so far!
I've read sooo many good stories and I must say this is one of the best